It feels like it's been a pretty big year for me. The first full year in my house, going through all the seasons and craziness. The first time paying property taxes (gulp), first time leading a ministry that's lasted a full year (and counting!). It's been a year of intentionally thinking through future plans and thinking about what I want to do with my life. So here's what happened this year: (according to my blog at least):
I rang in the New Year a little belligerent
I'm still working on this one. Although I found this great picture that helped me get over the awkward, "Where is Jesus?" question. Because I felt like if I could picture myself in a conversation with him it would help me talk to him more. So I found a picture of a rickety old dock looking out at a sunrise over the water. I imagine we're just sitting at the end of the dock with our feet in the water chatting. Some of my best conversations with him in 2008 came at the end of a dock like that in the Florida Keys.
I did not end up reading through the entire bible. Leviticus kicked my ass and I retreated like a beaten puppy into the Psalms and New Testament.
I struggled with what it means to truly repent, and I'm still trying to figure that one out.
Washington Project launched! I am staggered by the fact that I am allowed to lead something as cool a Washington Project and the way that God is moving through it with both the people we serve and those that serve each week. Most of the time I feel lost in the wilderness of leading, but the moments it comes into focus and I see all the connections God made and is continuing to make I am awestruck by his majesty.
I never got those tattoos I was thinking about getting.
I kept fighting the good fight against the darkness and found a lovely confidant that encourages me more than she will ever really know.
I discovered Crystal Renaud and her Dirty Girls ministry by spelunking through some blogs. I am so excited about what God is doing through her and can't wait to see where He takes this lovely young woman. She is creating an amazing resource for women in the grips of addictions to pornography in a world where there are very very few.
I started addressing my intense fear of killers. This was also known as the end of my torrid love affair with CSI and Criminal Minds
I decided to start telling the funny, scary and sometimes completely made up memories that I have
I went to Cancun! I also went Radio Silent for a week. No Twitter, Facebook, Blogger, Texts or Phone other than to reassure my family I arrived safe. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. That was also when I quit casually puffing away for good. Not that you could tell by this heinous cough I have going on right now.
I realized that I do not in fact 'got this' and came face to face with the reality about someone, and have been trying to adjust to a new reality in that relationship.
I read this post 4 times to myself and 3 times out loud and cried each and every time. Read it.
I had a really scary dream about my disobedience to what God was asking me to do.
I began to try to deal with my grief once and for all so that it doesn't cripple me every spring. I began to try to deal head on with an obsession and secret cut that I just picked at so much it couldn't heal.
I shook under the majesty of God, realizing for what seemed like the first time just how big and good he is.
I learned the cost of owning your own home is beaten out of you by the lawn.
I started settling into leading Washington Project and was blown away by the way I was being refined and developed through leadership.
On a lovely spring day I confessed my torrid love affair with Rainbow Sprinkles and discussed other lovely things happening in my life.
I had a lot of great conversations about compassion and serving and what that should look like. Outreach in a cozy suburban community is still outreach, because even people with nice houses and a savings account need Jesus.
I also thought about honesty and if it was really always the best policy. I think it is, I had a lovely conversation with Cody about it almost 6 months later that was pretty good about the same topic.
I realized that even though I felt like people often stole pieces of me that I was still complete and whole in Christ regardless of anything else that happens in my life.
I became drunk with power while tearing down my privacy fence. On a bobcat.
I thought a lot (A LOT) about being single. Turning 30 put a couple watch target on my back and until just a year ago I was the ONLY single person in my friend group in Cincinnati. I'm still thinking through it and getting surprised by baggage I forgot even existed.
I turned 30! I celebrated by writing about 30 people that have deeply influenced my life and changed who I was by their being in my life however briefly.
I thought about the kind of girl I am and how I feel afraid a lot.
I was grievously injured tearing down the back line of my privacy fence and saw bone. No one else believed me.
I forgot that I was the girl Jesus loves.
I posted some pre-blogger blogs from when I started writing again on MySpace. It included one of my favorite things that I've written.
I had a really hard conversation with someone I love and started to feel pretty beat up by the world in general. I'm just now starting to come out of feeling that way.
I tried to stop picking at the cracks and learn to see myself a little clearer.
I met a crazy lady one Monday night after hearing from God that morning. She said the exact same words to me that He did and taught me to breathe again.
I figured out it was useless to try to be this put together girl that I am not. Now I just have to figure out how to let other people in. I'm afraid and when I'm afraid I stiffen up and just try to hold on until the uncomfortable passes..
I read a book that's still kicking my butt and grappled with the idea that I'm still very much broken.
I was not amused by something being so gay.
I hired a trainer and started a melodramatic journey intentional weight loss. Something I'd never really done on purpose in my 30 years of life.
Hot Trainer dumped me for Funny Trainer. But it all worked out in the end.
Remember how I felt beat up by the world. By this point I was freaking out, but refusing to tell anyone but finding myself incapable of dealing with the world.
But all was not lost, lovely things happened too, just often enough to help me retain my hope.
I started facing the truth of a thousand lies and kept on chucking out more and more baggage that I was tired of tripping over.
God let me know that while I knew the truth about him I probably didn't really believe it, at least not for myself.
I was invited on a trip to husbandland by a 5 year old. But he didn't know where it was located.
I stumbled across JJ Heller and Alece at almost the same time. It was balm to a heart that felt pretty tattered.
I fell in love with this quote from Beth Moore and learned I have to many toys in my head from my nephew.
I started sleeping a lot to avoid stresses I just didn't want to deal with. I woke up one night smelling popcorn and hurling terrible hateful words at myself. I wondered where my place was.
I celebrated Christmas with a wicked head cold that I'm still fighting and read 2 books in 2 days. My mind was panting trying to keep up with all the awesome.
It was a good year, a dramatic year. A year filled with hope, disappointment, determination, and excitement. I'm exhausted. But I hear time doesn't take any breaks, 2010 here I come!