You

In between the breaths I don't take
In the words I don't speak
Covered by the tears I don't cry and in the midst of the arms that are empty
I find you
I find you whole and complete, shiny and made new

Carried on the wind I can't see and in the clouds I can't touch
On the tip of my tongue and the curl of my lips
Written on a blank page with the pen I don't hold
Is your name
Your name that I speak without ever making a sound

Drowning in the bottom of alcohol I don't drink
Burning at the end of a cigarette I don't smoke
Riding on the back of the one I do not kiss
Is your memory
Your memory that comes in waves like my grief

By not speaking I try to make it not so. By not breathing I try to ease past the times that I think of you most. By not crying I hold together the shattered edges. By not writing I am holding back the avalance that carries your smell, your laughter, you