When left to my own devices I'm a panic and assume the worst kind of girl. I'm a girl that loses sight of the big picture rapidly. When I hibernate and withdrawal I'm the kind of girl that sees all the bells and whistles of other people's lives and immediately feel like a less kind of a girl because my bells and whistles look differently.
It happens so fast that it leaves me gasping, this loss of my firm footing. I'm sure it happens to other too, it just seems that people don't talk about it that much. As if admitting that we have these doubts and insecurities will somehow make them real.
Lately I've been wondering if holding in those things, allowing them to flourish in the dark nights of our hearts, only serves to give them more power. Like Dumbledore said in Harry Potter (I'm about to re-read that series again it was so good!)
"Fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself"
To fear naming these things that trouble us seems to only give them more power in the dark. The power to tell you that you're not really enough, that no one will love you, that you'll never measure up. The fear spirals out of control when you keep it shut up inside of you.
But I'm the kind of girl that believes she's a burden to others, and that my struggles aren't really anything important. I've swallowed the lie that I should be afraid to name what it is that troubles me in the dark because the light will retreat from me if only it knew.
I think I'm going to stop believing that lie, I think I'm going to cling to the light and the truth that I'm not really enough on my own. That the only thing that makes me good enough is the love of a God that sent His Son just for me (and you and you and you too).
And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.
Jesus spoke to the people once more and said, “I am the light of the world. If you follow me, you won’t have to walk in darkness, because you will have the light that leads to life.”
I have come as a light to shine in this dark world, so that all who put their trust in me will no longer remain in the dark.