Sanctifying Touch

It was the last night before sorrow touched her life; and no life is ever quite
the same again when once that cold, sanctifying touch has been laid upon it.
-Anne of Green Gables

While it wasn't quite the first time that sorrow had touched my life, it was the first time it was truly unexpected.

Because even though you miss them, even though you don't want them to be gone, when a grandparent or great aunt die you can sort of understand. They're older. They've lived a long life. They were sick.

It doesn't make it better. It doesn't make it hurt less. So I'm in a sense not sure what makes it different. Only that it was.

Before and after.

Just like that.

Gone.

It's strange this year. Unlike other years. I'm learning to let go, to try to see past the hurt and into what God is doing with the hurt. There's been some baby llama drama happening the last few weeks that has distracted me, but decisions were made and I'm almost through the thick of it.

But still, I think of her. I think of that week, the smell of the air, the feel of his arms, how I didn't really feel settled for years and years after that night. I think of the whisper of God rising up inside me on the balcony and how I began falling in love with Jesus that night. I think with wonder how something so pure and good happened the same night something so filthy and terrible happened.

I think of how life has never really been the same since. Even though I don't talk to her family as much, even though I don't live there anymore; I think about how much sweeter life becomes, has become because of the sanctifying touch of sorrow. How much deeper my appreciation is for peace, for togetherness. I think about how tolerant I can be, how tolerant I make myself be, of people I love because I know that any minute a phone call can change a life.

Because of the sanctifying touch of that moment; that day, week, month, lifetime. Because I knew her. Because I loved her. Because she knew me and loved me. I have been changed for the better.

Who can say if I've been

Changed for the better?

I do believe I have been

Changed for the better

Because I knew you...

I have been changed for good

-Wicked