Five Minutes: One Day

Ok, the rule is to type for five minutes and post whatever vomits out of my fingertips. May God be with you all.

Go.

I'm a procrastinator. Sometimes I think that's a fancy way to say lazy.
I always think that one day I'll get to this, one day I'll get to that and then next thing you know I have to rush through and do everything at once because of everything I've put off.

I get overwhelmed easily. My house is a hot mess right now because of the bathroom renovation. My bedroom and bathroom stuff is spread all over the house and it's stressing me out. The back fence is being power washed so when it's nice out we're power washing the fence instead of cleaning up the house and putting last minute touches on the bathroom.
So when I walk inside I'm already tired from power washing and working and I just can't deal with picking up and cleaning stuff in the house.

Because it's just to much.
There's just to much stuff sitting out and around and the places they need to go back to aren't ready for them yet so they sit in the middle of the living room or 2nd & 3rd bedroom and annoy the crap out of me.

Emotionally I do the same thing. I let things build because the little things aren't really a big deal until they are, or until they are added to a myriad of other little things and I'm hacked off and pissed or hurt.

There's a lot of emotional chaos going on in my heart right now. I'm making a big change (that we'll talk about later) and also with therapy and working on building intentional and healthy adult female relationships I'm just overwhelmed. I look at it all and I can hardly think of what small step to take next because there is just so much to be done.

But I just try to do it anyway. One little step at a time. Remembering that Rome wasn't built in a day and my heart will certainly not be repaired in one either. I try to remember it took my mind 31 years to get to the jaded and wounded place it is now and it may take me years to repair it.

But I'm trying anyway.

one day, my relationships won’t carry the stain of abandonment. one day, i won’t fear the Beauty inside – one day the healing will be complete and i’ll be able to take these things i carry and see them for what they really are: scars that reveal i survived.
(via: Elora Nicole)

Done.