Subtext of the Text

I'm learned in the art of subtext.
To the point of sometimes reading to much into things.
But sometimes words are said in just such a way that I wonder at the meaning beneath them.

So long I've waited with bated breath for words to cut through me and figuring out how to flee when the air crackles with pre-cut tension that I'm not sure how to move through relationships without that fear.

I'm not sure how to believe you when you show me friendship without condition because I know there's condition there somewhere.

So I engage and disengage and try to figure it all out.
I smile and laugh when inside I'm wondering if what you're saying is true or just a plan to lull me into submission for the attack.

I'm wondering if this feeling of subtext is on the way out. Because as I get healthier emotionally and mentally I'm wondering if I will continue to feel stronger and less vulnerable to attack.

I hope so. All this wondering about the subtext of conversations is exhausting.