I snarl the left side of my lip and try to figure out what the hell their problem is, who crapped rainbows on their Rice Krispies.
I swing wildly and uncontrollably between moments of heights of Pollyanna optimism and days of snarky judgemental anger.
This lull of anger and disallusionment.
I don't want to believe when there are possibilities of good things happening because they will probably not and I'll be upset, let down, hurt.
I wonder if anyone really ever gets to do the job they are passionate about.
I doubt they are really passionate about it or if it's all just a front.
Because I don't believe other people, unless they are angry or snarky too. Then I believe every last poisoneous word that drips out of their mouths.
I feel stuck in a rut with glimpses of flat ground, gasping for air and wondering if I'm just meant to be this girl after all.
So tired that I couldn't even sleep
So many secrets I couldn't keep
Promised myself I wouldn't weep
One more promise I couldn't keep
It seems no one can help me now
I'm in too deep
There's no way out
This time I have really led myself astray
Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here no there
Can you help me remember how to smile
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did I get so jaded
Life's mystery seems so faded
-Soul Asylum Runaway Train