Everything I learned tonight.....

I learned from TV.
The bad thing about dog sitting is I can't do anything around my house. The nice thing about dog sitting is I can't do anything around my house. So I have a perfect excuse to just watch movies or TV. Color me tickled pink when I stumbled across a Top 100 Songs of the 90s countdown on VH1 tonight. I was flipping channels on commercials and started immediately gleaning all sorts of wisdom and information from the intellectually stimulating shows I was watching (E! News, VH1, D10 oh it was junktacular) Here are my observations and maybe a confession or two:

• Gerardo of 90's Rico Suave fame is now a rapping pastor in Cali
• If you had to pick two words to sum up the 90s it would not be Canadian Reggae
• Confession: For my 13th birthday I had a Kris Kross party and required everyone wear their clothes backwards. Swimsuits were the exceptions.
• Tv told me plaid is having a HUGE moment right now. Who is plaid?
• I'm sorry, but I don't care who makes it a Romper will never look good on my figure. Stop encouraging bad fashion choices TV!
• I loved 90s music, which apparently means I loved some bad bad music
• I was really sad with Left Eye died. It reinforced my resolve to not go chasing waterfalls
• I like Julia Roberts with Pretty Woman frizzy hair best
• I miss videos on MTV
• Justin Bieber stole his 'hair out of his eyes' head shake from Ed Kowalczyk "I Alone" video
• In New Jersey calling someone "Fake and Bake" is an insult
• I am disappointed that Lionel Richie allowed Yahoo! to use "Hello" in their recent ad. I used to sing that song with heart into a hairbrush and my mirror as a pre-teen
• Brad Pitt was the hottest in Legend of the Fall and caused me to become obsessed with the name Tristan. I've gotten over that now, sort of.
• "Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover" by Sophie B. Hawkins will forever be Dillon and Kelly cheating on Brenda on the beach in 90210 while Brenda was cheating on Dillon in Paris with Dean Cain. (I could win an original 90210 trivia game)
• The way Ben Lee talks reminds me of the male Australian version of Claire
• Fiona Apple was 18 when she wrote Shadowboxer. EIGHTEEN! She is my age. This freaks me out.
• No no....what IF God was one of us?
• Are YOU down with O.P.P? (Then I found out what it means and it was scandalous!)
• I still hate Hootie and the Blowfish with the fire of a thousand suns
• One of the dudes from Color Me Bad lives in Cincinnati. WHAT?!
• I remember the exact moment I first heard the Spice Girls song Wannabe
  

I'm sure there's more, but good golly I had so many revelations on TV!

Procrastination

Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow.
If I was anyone else I would totally say that is an accurate assessment of my life style.

Cut the grass? It's hard work maybe I should nap first.
Sweep the floors? Sure, but first I should probably clear off my DVr in case it gets full next week while I'm out of the house.

On and on I go. I would tell you more about it but, first I have to go relax a little.
I hate this about myself. I have such grandiose intentions and then I get overwhelmed and just don't do anything and the cycle continues.
I vacillate between thinking it's procrastination and that it's just laziness. But procrastination is sexier (ok, I might have made that up) so I'll say I'm procrastinating instead of lazy.

For example, right now I'm procrastinating from doing work by talking about how I procrastinate. Ok, it's actually lunch time, but I'm procrastinating on walking to the kitchen to get my food at least.

Oh My Dear

I called you up, you were in bed, could barely make out the words that you
said But you wanted to see me instead, so I got dressed
So I stepped out into the snow, and walked for a mile or so
Felt the rush of blood come from the cold, within my chest

Well, you finally came to the door, and we talked for an hour or more
Until I asked if you would stay up until four, and you said that's fine
But you said "There's something I have to say, and I can just because I am
so afraid"
And so I held you as you started to shake, that night

Oh, my dear, I'll wait for you
Grace tonight will pull us through
Until the tears have left your eyes
Until the fear can sleep at night
Until the demons that you're scared of Disappear inside
Until the scale begins to crack
And this weight falls from your back
Oh, my dear, I'll keep you in my arms tonight

You slowly lifted your head from your hands
You said "I just don't think you'll understand
You'll never look at me that way again
If you knew what I did"

And so your tears fell and melted the snow
You told me secrets nobody had known
But I never loved you more, even though Now I know what you did

Oh, my dear, I'll wait for you
Grace tonight will pull us through
Oh, my dear, I'll wait for you
Grace tonight will pull us through
Until the tears have left your eyes
Until the fear can sleep at night
Until the demons that you're scared of Disappear inside
Until the scale begins to crack
And this weight falls from your back
Oh, my dear, I'll keep you in my arms tonight

Until the tears have left your eyes
Until the fear can sleep at night
Until the demons that you're scared of Disappear inside
Until the scale begins to crack
And this weight falls from your back
Oh, my dear, I'll keep you in my arms tonight
I'll keep you in my arms tonight

-Tenth Avenue North Oh My Dear

Love, without encouragement

We can all begin freely--a slight preference is natural enough; but there are very few of us who have heart enough to be really in love without encouragement.

--Pride & Prejudice

New Altitude

As I descended into Minneapolis my head suddenly seized with intense stabbing pain. "Must be the altitude" I thought.
Sprinting through the airport to catch my connection my head beat with the rhythm of my flip-flopped feet and all I wanted was to stab my brain out with a spoon. Surely that couldn't have hurt worse.
Jetting out of Minneapolis between a clear blue sky and one so dark the lights on planes shone like dozens of brilliant suns my eyes involuntarily shut as the pain throbbed on.
Restlessly hurdling through the air I anticipate landing, surely the ache will be gone when I descend to a more agreeable altitude.
But the ache goes on and one through the night into the morning and the next three days.

I begin to wonder if my brain isn't on the verge of exploding. I take any and all medicine I can think of to stave off the spasms happening behind my eyes. I try to remember what Bret Micheals said about his aneurysm and if maybe that's what I have too.
I push through. What if I never feel better? I don't want to miss Portland if this will last the whole week and into forever.
What if this is my new normal?

Slowly but surely the ache dulls and sometimes goes away completely. But it seems that as soon as I notice it has lessened or gone completely for a moment it comes back with a vengeance. It is only now that I feel confidant enough to say out loud that I feel better. Yet even now as I write it a sharp stab of pain passes over my left eye.
As I think about this I realize, I am like this in almost every aspect of life.

I don't know how to live without their voices telling me I'm a nasty selfish girl. I don't know how to be a girl that wears small clothes. Because to do so would be to stand naked without pounds and pounds of reasons for your rejection outside of my own ability to be desirable in your eyes.
To finish a degree would be to acknowledge I know what I want to do with my life and hold myself accountable to doing more than what I've stumbled into and what comes mind-numbingly easy to me. It would be to risk your disappointment in my chosen vocation more so than in my accidentally on purpose vocation.

So I don't mention it. I bury it beneath layers of skin I can't shed and witty retorts to your questions of how I am.
I adjust to a normal I don't know how to be without.

Someday

I believe in the rest of the story
I believe there's still ink in the pen
I have wasted my very last day
Trying to change what happened way back when

I believe it's the human condition
We all need to have answers to why
More than ever, I'm ready to say that I
Will still sleep peacefully
With answers out of reach from me until…

Someday all that's crazy
All that's unexplained
Will fall into place
And someday all that's hazy
Through a clouded glass
Will be clear at last
And sometimes we're just waiting
For someday

We are born with a lingering hunger
We are born to be unsatisfied
We are strangers who can't help but wander
And dream about the other side of…

Every puzzle's missing piece
Every unsolved mystery
More than half of every whole
Rests in the Hands that hold you for someday….

Someday
--Nichole Nordeman

Good Things: June

June 1 - Good workout followed by an amazing nap

June 2 - Dressed like a rock star for work today, which meant I got to wear a ridiculous amount of black eye makeup and red lipstick

June 3 -I found out where I'm sitting when I start my new job (same company) July 6th and it's totally the cubicle I called dibs on! It's the little things that help an office job be fun.

June 4 - I had grandiose plans to clean and organize the night away. Instead I napped, ate dinner then went to bed for the night. It.was.glorious.

June 5 - Charlie and Dan came over and finished the hall bath and hung the laundry and basement bath doors. I did ALL my laundry, cleaned, and rearranged the living room and my bedroom. Also, yummy dinner with Sharen and Matthew!

June 6 - Waking up in a clean and reorganized house is amazing. Also, got a chance to tell a friend I loved him all the way, no matter what.

June 7 - Busy busy day at work means it went by fast. Yummy leftovers for lunch too.

June 8 - Dinner and good conversation with my friends Fred and Claire and I made a brave decisions that I can't tell you about because it scares me

June 9 - All day I thought today was the 10th, so I decided to schedule a personal day for Friday. So it became like my Thursday. Also, I crawled in bed after work and literally didn't get out until 6am. It was lovely

June 10 -Today is my Friday, watched some America Got Talent with Kirsten, Shelby and Matthew and laughed a lot. Oh, and my friend Alexis brought a brand new baby into the world!

Jacob Patrick Wombold 6lbs 15oz

June 11 - Slept in, did a little work, cleaned a little, read a lot. All in all a good relaxing day, oh and Nicole arrived!

June 12 -Woke up and read and randomly cleaned some windows while I waited for Nicole to awake from her coma. When she finally did I ate some free Chipotle thanks to a Rock star gift card from work and the donation of another partially used one by my peep Lori.

June 13 - I started reading The Hiding Place by Corrie ten Boom for the first time. I got halfway through it in addition to cleaning my kitchen and doing other random things. It's a very good book.

June 14 - Washington Project meeting! I really love the people I get to lead with and watching them grow as leaders while they push me to grow as well.

June 15 - Sometimes the best thing about a day is that you made it through alive and mostly in one piece.

June 16 - We got our $225 Amazon gift card at work today for hitting our May sales goal. I spent it within 5 minutes of receiving it, I bought a Sony digital reader!

June 17 - I had yummy brats for dinner with my seeester and her family and went to bed relatively early.

June 18- I got my Sony Reader today! So much fun downloading (free) books from a public domain site. Now I can be all smart and say I read a lot of classics!

June 19 - The dog woke me up early, but with the exception of walking him and dinner with Matthew I watched movies on the couch all day. LOVE

June 20 - Church was great. We handed out root beer to people and I got to chat with some friends I love a lot.

June 21 - Oh, I forgot...the people I dogsat for work at a local bakery that is apparently a big deal. I didn't know that, but they made me a CHOCOLATE cake with chocolate mousse filling and chocolate icing. OH.MY.GOSH. I ate a little everyday and died a little inside from all the happiness.

June 22 - Slept in my own bed after dogsitting, and my kitties snuggled with me a lot because I had been gone. They're probably not going to be as forgiving when I'm gone for almost 2 solid weeks....Also, I saved a $13,000 order at work and got crazy kudos and $15 in gift cards for it.

June 23 - Actually had a productive day at work! Refreshing after a few days of crazy craziness

June 24 - Last day before the day I fly to Portland. Busy busy busy but managed to pseudo pick up my house so it isn't trashed while I'm gone.

June 25 - Left on a jet plane for 10 days in Portland, disabled Twitter, gmail and FB on my phone and prepared for internet silence. It was deafening.

June 26 - Woke up in Portland Oregon! With Katy! I'll be here for 10 days!

June 27 - Fun at a great church in Portland. The pastor said, "Has anyone ever told you they were being persecuted for their beliefs and you wanted to tell them, 'No...you're kind of just a jerk." Also, lecterns rising out of the stage to crazy songs are hilarious, I'm just saying.

June 28 -Wandered around Portland while Katy was at work and had some yummy hot chocolate at Powells. Also, I got to meet Courtney and Keith Grant and they are awesome!

June 29 - Settled into doing nothing while Katy was at work. Spent most of the day people watching in Pioneer Square and finished reading Sense & Sensibility. Also, ate a ridiculously large burrito.

June 30 - Got a tan sitting in Pioneer Square again reading but doing more people watching than anyone. Also, Voodoo Donuts with Courtney. I'm just saying, the name of a donut we ate is Cock and Balls and yes...pictures will follow when I'm back online.