Safe

I joke around a lot about killers.
In the brightness of day I'll reassure you that it's all a joke and while I'm cautious it's a normal cautious, not a "You should consider checking yourself into a mental hospital" paranoid.
But I just don't feel safe.
I don't feel safe physically, mentally or emotionally.

I was talking to some friends when I realized just how unsafe I feel. I don't feel safe because I know that things can happen at anytime. I know there are crazy people doing crazy things walking around beside us right now. I know there are perfectly sane but broken and damaged people walking around that will hurt you without trying, there are people that will just one day walk away with no warning and be gone from your life.

But I don't want to be fearful. I try to be cautious but not paralyzed by fear and most days it all works out.

I hide behind my anger, my sarcasm and my staunch independence because when I arm myself with those I feel safer. I feel protected and powerful.
But I don't want to be that kind of powerful. Because I am not powerful because of those things.

I want be safe and rest in the arms of my Savior. I want to turn to Him instead of anger when I'm feeling unsafe. I want to seek His counsel instead of the counsel of generations of grudge holders and decades passive aggressive rage.
I want to know that I am safe because He is my God and that is enough to overcome any fear that comes my way.

10Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11Put on the
full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes.
12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers,
against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the
spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13Therefore put on the full
armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your
ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14Stand firm then, with
the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of
righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that
comes from the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of
faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.
17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of
God. 18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and
requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the
saints.

Ephesians 6:10-18