11.23.2009

Worthy

I was thinking through the discouragement I wrote about yesterday and wondering what exactly I can do to make more room for working out in my life. My life is pretty full and I quickly because overwhelmed.
I wanted to quit; to admit that it was ridiculous this idea of getting in shape and becoming more physically powerful. There were much more important things to do. Things like family night, Washington Project stuff, making money to pay my mortgage stuff.
Here's my typical week:
Sunday: Washington Project and church in the morning. Working in the yard or inside the house, laundry, baking, cooking, possibly working out and hopefully a nap

Monday: Work 8-5. Drive about 45 minutes in traffic, then depending on the day I have either a WP life group, a 2nd life group, a meeting with Michelle to plan for WP or working out (working out being the exception instead of the rule) Those meetings whatever they may be end about 930-10pm

Tuesday: Work 8-5, 45 minutes in traffic, workout with trainer for 30 minutes, cardio 30 minutes then attempt to cook dinner or just not puke depending on the workout

Wednesday: Work 8-5, 45 minutes in traffic, dinner with Diane before bible study at her house, bible study until 930ish.

Thursday: Work 8-5, 45 minutes in traffic, family night at my sisters house until 9ish

Friday: Work 8-5, 45 minutes in traffic, depending on the night work at the bookstore or workout (most likely the bookstore)

Saturday: Occasionally work at the bookstore, work in the yard or inside the house, bake, cook, laundry, run errands with Sharen, maybe work out/hang out with friends

The trainer said I needed to have at least 4-5 days of cardio and 3-5 days of strength training to make a dent in what I want to do. When exactly am I supposed to do that!? I could do it in the morning but I hate (HATE) showering in public showers. I come out feeling dirtier than when I came in, and I can't/won't go to work all sweaty.
So I'm laying in bed, twirling my hair and thinking about what to do. I could get up at 5am, go to the closest gym to my house and work out for 30-45 minutes and still have time to come home and shower at my house before leaving (on time) for work.

But it's to early, to hard, to much, to inconvenient, I'm not a morning person blah blah blah.
Then it occurred to me. For a year I used to get up at 5am every Monday and Wednesday to serve breakfast to the homeless community. I had very few problems getting up and showered and making the trek to Over The Rhine to do that.
Why?
Why wasn't it to early, to hard, to much, to inconvenient? Why was I a morning person during that year?
Because it wasn't about me. It wasn't a sacrifice for only me. I was serving them. They were worthy and deserving of my time, my energy, my inconvenience.
I realized with a start that I didn't believe that I was worth the sacrifice. I wasn't worth the effort. I didn't deserve it.

On one hand I know that it's not true, but I don't believe it.
I think about the words he spoke that day saying that I deserved to be healthy and I deserved to be in shape. I remember dismissing him and thinking how silly it was that he thought I didn't know that, because I knew it.
I don't, but I'm trying to learn. Because as silly and trite as it sounds God has requested that I get this body of mine under control and that guy just doesn't let up.
So if I'm a little crankier than normal it's probably because I was up at 5am working out. Now I just need to actually do it....


Posts that may only be slightly related:
Fragile
Knowing but not Believing
Stiff

2 comments:

Pete said...

Go Bethany, Go Bethany, it's your birthday.......I was going to get the pom poms out and cheer for you, but the outfit was rather unflattering when I put it on, so I'll just clap on the sidelines and cheer you on this way!!

jake - aka the comment novelist said...

You didn't request suggestions, so I'm sorry if I'm over-stepping my boundaries.

If the gym-and-shower-before-work routine is just too uncomfortable (spent almost a year refusing your dad's invites to play racquetball to avoid the showers, so i understand), maybe you could shift other things to the am.

Perhaps if you woke up early and did housework and prepped dinner for that evening, you could free up the time you would normally spend in the evening to go to the gym?

I know you can't have Bible study and family night at 5am, but maybe there are other things you could shift around.

Just a thought.