I'm always in a hurry. Even when I don't have anywhere to be. I exist in this like hyper drive of rush. It doesn't matter how fast I'm going, I could be cruising along at 80MPH, but if there is a car right in front of me it's not fast enough.
This morning I'm driving to church and even though there was plenty of time to get there and get everything accomplished before the serve I was feeling rushed. I get on 42 and am behind a mini van, going slow. I was so mad at this mini-van. I was silently fuming and wondering what the hell this guys problem was, why can't he just go fast, clearly where I'm going and what I'm doing is way more important then whatever is happening in their lives. I spun my wheels trying to find the right moment to pass this mini van and go about my merry little (and much more important) way. When I was finally able to pass them, I noticed they were stuck behind a car. Once I passed them the mini-van got into the left lane and passed this car too.
All of that energy and time that I spent fuming and focusing on the mini-van and it wasn't even because of the mini-van. It was because of this car, that I couldn't see, that I didn't know was really the root of the problem.
I'm like that off the road too. I get so trapped in what is simply in front of me. I can't see around it, I'm blinded by the immediate. It's so hard for me to look beyond that immediate obstacle and see what is really blocking the way.
It's not my weight, it's the reasons I hold on to it.
It's not my financial balance, it's the story behind why I self-sabotaged my money for so many years
It's not that I don't want a relationship ever again, it's why I don't want one right now (and how right now has become almost a decade)
I spend so much time spinning my wheels because of what I think is the problem. My weight, my lack of finances, my seemingly outright anger towards the idea of settling down in a relationship. But those things, those things that I focus on are just mini-vans. They are just the symptoms of the real issues. They are just the things that are right in front of my face.
It won't be until I pass them, until I realize what the car is, the hidden root of the symptom is, that I will have perspective.
I get so caught up in what is right in front of my face that I am blinded to what I really need to see.