Five Words

Five words, curled like a fist around the knife that sliced me open
Flung like an afterthought, with a pat on the knee
Five words, confirming the slimy thoughts slithering around my shattered heart.
(you're not enough, you're not beautiful, you're not worthy, you're nothing, nothing, nothing)
Five words that scream like a banshee from my own head, there is really no need for you to say them to me.

These words spoken have drowned out the four words I read last week that had me floating. These words drown out the spirit whispering in my ear.
I know. It doesn't help that it's the truth, these five words. This truth doesn't assuage the grief hearing it causes.
I know which words to listen to, and yet I turn from the lovely healing words and run hard and fast into the words the tear me apart and break me down.

Five words, curl my heart into a fist and rise up the anger that falsely comforts me. Five words tempt me to color the world black and close myself, shut off tight.

I'm holding on, as tight as I can, to the four words. The four words that are salve to my sliced open heart. I hope. I hope that I can continue to choose the good not the bad; the four words not the five.