Whisper of God to me

I laid on a bench at Winton Woods Sunday and stared at some trees. I stared up at a scene a lot like the photo above and I just inhaled and exhaled.
Occasionally I would talk to Tony or Pete that were there with me, but mostly it was:
inhale
exhale
inhale
exhale
inhale
well you get the point

I became almost mesmerized by the trees just moving back and forth. It reminded me of a testimony I heard at Cedar Creek several years ago. This man told of his journey to a relationship with Jesus and he was adamantly opposed to it for the longest time. He kept asking for proof, proof that Jesus was real, proof that the Holy Spirit was still working today. Every piece of "evidence" that people gave him he said, that's not proof, that's not Jesus, that's just a symptom of believing in him. It's an effect of your delusional belief.
One day he was talking to a friend and was explaining away all of the "evidence" of Jesus is his friends life. Frustrated, his friend said do you believe in wind? Of course replied this man, you can see wind...see just look at those trees and the ripples on the water, there's your proof. His friend replied, that's not wind. That's a cause of wind, some could argue it's only evidence of his delusional belief in wind.
Now this guy didn't fall down on his knees and begin to follow Jesus that day, but that was a turning point. A realization that there are so many things that we believe that we can't see, touch, taste, and smell. But believe in them we do.

So I lay there, on a bench lost in this moment of appreciation for breezes, for trees, for friends like Tony and Pete, for my church family and my family and other friends. I was just so thankful for all of it.
For about 5 minutes.
Then I got all twitchy and nervous, high strung if you will. My mind switched from thankfulness mode to holy crap I have so much to do mode. I started to vibrate with anxiety of to do lists and obligations, and the moment was lost.
So I hustled along Tony and Pete and we piled into Tony's Jeep and headed back to my house. All the way home, I just kept thinking...I wish we would have stayed. I wish I knew how to go with the flow more. I wish I was more like that tree...
I know the importance of being rooted, of having a stable foundation of beliefs, faith, etc. But I know that within that stability (the trunk of the tree) I have to learn to be more flexible. I have to incorporate more of the branches into my life....just swaying and moving naturally.

I know there will be periods that I'm over scheduled, I know there will be periods that I'm running all the time. But I cannot continue to exist on this strict schedule. I almost ran out of gas today because I didn't schedule time in to go to the gas station. I mean DUH.
Sometimes I feel like I can't say no to people unless I have other plans in place. Like I will somehow wound them if I just don't want to.
I need to become more disciplined in relaxing....oxymoron much?
I seriously struggle with withdrawing and relaxing, or meditating, or lately, even prioritizing my time alone with God, with his word, and in silence just existing with Him.
I miss him a lot. I know he's still there. I hear him through the screeching of my life this month. I hear him calling me to be still and quiet.

Somehow, my life has gotten loud again, even without the TV on.
I need to be quiet enough to hear the sound of the breeze, it is what most often carries the whisper of God to me.