4.05.2008

The deepest desires of our heart

I can't believe I'm actually about to say this......
but I've been watching the first Harry Potter movie tonight because there's nothing else on (that I haven't already seen) and my head hurts to much to read.
It's actually entertaining enough...and I've been plugging away through it for about 2 hours now. I've just watched the part when Harry comes across the mirror of isirot (or whatever the heck it is)...but if you've seen the movie, Harry comes across the mirror and as he's staring into it...his parents appear and his mother places her hand on his shoulder. He's so excited that he runs to get Ron and show him his parents.
But when Ron looks into the mirror, he sees himself the captain of the sports team, looking very handsome.
So a bit later Harry is sitting in front of the mirror just staring into it, when Dumbledore (the headmaster maybe of the school) comes into the scene.
He and Harry discuss what the mirror does, how a happy and content man will look in the mirror and see only himself, but that it shows us the very deepest desires of our hearts. Dumbledore says, that men have spent their lives sitting in front of that mirror, in fact, some have gone mad because of it. He told Harry that they were taking the mirror away, and he must not go looking for it.
I know that my re-telling of that scene doesn't nearly do it justice, but it was one of those sit up in bed moments for me.
The deepest desires of my heart, those that I can barely bring myself to speak of but with a very few....I stare at them in my own mirror daily.
It has gotten to the point when someday's it's enough to drive me mad....longing for the peace, hoping for the resolution, looking for the forgiveness that alludes me.
I waste a lot of time looking to the past, like Harry did. At those that are gone and cannot be brought back. I waste hours and hours thinking about how it was in lieu of how it is or how it could be.
It takes a lot of energy to hold on to that. I'm thinking about stopping.

In my mirror, I see:
you.....just you and that's enough for both of us
peace, for the first time about all that junk I've been dragging along behind me for over 10 years, I'm tired and it is time to start lightening that load
hope, for an end to this drama, for the generations of bitterness and revenge to finally be over and for us to all just move on from the garbage that he and she tried to pass on.
trust, trust that I can have without it making me want to flee the scene, never to return

What is it that you see in the mirror that shows you the deepest desires of your heart?

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