You gave your life to Jesus Christ

You were not the same after that.
I love Ben Folds.
I'm listening to this song called Not the Same. There's a line in it that said the above (You gave your life to Jesus Christ...you were not the same after that)
As I approach the anniversary of the night I did that I've been reflecting on all the things that are different and yet the same about my life. The way I see people and react to them. The way my mental confusion still gets the better of me and the way that old habits are still hard to kill.

But it's totally different and totally the same simultaneously.
I feel at times that I'm so blindly feeling my way through life that I can't quite pinpoint what it is that is my goal. Where exactly it is that I think I'm going.
Is that ok? I think so.
At some point should I grow up and make plans, or even (dare I say it) commit to someone beyond me in a relational way?
Some days I feel so incapable. So incompetant in even caring for myself (just a look around my house will do that to me most days)
I fell asleep with my glasses on last night. They ran away and I can't find them. I stripped my bed, moved my bed and the gargantuan pile of clothes on the floor and the glasses are no where to be found.
Maybe the kitties took them and are using them to read under the sofa while I'm at work.

Other days I feel dangerously overqualified, like I could fly if only I just put my mind to it.
It's all just so normal isn't it? This vaccilation between incompetance and capability.

I had no idea what I was getting into when I gave my life to Jesus Christ. A lot of the time I still don't.
I'm holding on for the ride and hoping I do a decent job of representing He who saved me in a very real and physical way.

It's just going to have to be ok that I may never know what I'm going to be when I grow up, or if I never finish that damn college degree that mocks me daily, or even if I never settle down and look like the married and committed.
Suppose I never met Him, this Jesus fellow? Suppose I never fell in love with Him irrationally and against every sane thought in my head at the time.
Suppose I never spoke to Steve about him, suppose Steve never told me he was an asshole just trying to live like Jesus.

So 5 years ago I gave my life to Jesus Christ, and I was not the same after that.
Which makes me the luckiest girl.