Who can you tell?

I love flowerdust.net. Absolutely love it. I find it encouraging and challenging, and entertaining. Anne Jackson has some great things to say and I think you should read her if you don't already. I read the following on her blog today:

when ted haggard’s story first came out, i wrote this post. tuesday, i saw him on CCN. yesterday, i saw him, his wife, and two of his kids on oprah.

the way he addressed his issues was more raw and honest than i expected. the love his wife showed him, and the way his kids talked about him, was nothing short of phenomenal grace.

something he said made me mad though. really mad. although, it didn’t really surprise me.

he had confessed his same-sex attraction to his wife early in their marriage. he was abused by an adult male when he was really young, and that jacked him up. that was the trauma.

a few years before he began acting out on his attraction, he went to some leaders and pastors he knew. he said he was wrestling with these thoughts even more and needed their advice. some withdrew. others told him to keep his mind off of it by working harder for god.

after that, he confessed he didn’t know what to do with the struggle anymore. he desperately wanted them to be gone, and he felt like he needed to hold up the “ideal” of a perfect husband, perfect father, perfect pastor. he made the decisions to not talk, and to act out - but it goes back to show that so many times we feel like we can’t discuss our brokenness with other believers…

that.

breaks.

my.

heart.

we all can choose to talk about our problems, absolutely. and nobody can be responsible for making that decision but us. the environments that the “church” has created, however, tells us something different. it creates an environment where we feel like we need to have everything figured out, or else we’ll face judgment, ridicule, and isolation.

that just ain’t right.

we’ve got to create environments of honesty.

and we have to lead the way.

About 2 1/2 years ago I made a choice. I made a choice and I dove headlong into something that I had no idea how to get out of and something that was clearly and tangibly carrying me farther away from the type of relationship I longed to have with God. I made that choice everyday and with full understanding of what I was doing. About a year ago 1 1/2 years ago I started trying to get off the path I was sprinting down. I started telling people, I told person A who gave me an emotional high 5 and a slap on the back. I told person B who yelled at me and told me that I disappointed them and how could I make such stupid choices. I told person C who just blinked and said ooooohhhhhkaaaayyy and walked away. So I gave up trying to tell people and just kept on skipping along the path. Finally, I told Bobbie. Bobbie who didn't say it was ok, but that it would be ok. Bobbie who encouraged and prayed for me, who listened without recoiling from me and who felt just sorry enough to make me feel loved, but not so sorry that I felt coddled and justified. I wrote a little about it here. Talking to Bobbie wasn't an immediate fix, but with her support I was able to turn from the sin I was choosing toward the grace that she offered. The grace that is offered by a God who longs to reconcile us to him through Christ.

I think that my church does a pretty good job of creating those places for people. Through Life Groups and just the relationships that the open and friendly people that call 4 Corners home build with each other. What are you doing to encourage those around you to share their burdens with you? Maybe you don't call it sin. Maybe you call it stress, worry, grief, depression, whatever, but how do you encourage people around you? Who do you have that you can tell things to, decompress, work through things and yes even confess things to? Who will tell you the truth, the hard and ugly truth, but with grace; not judgement, ridicule, isolation, shame.

How to be a good wife

I saw this post here. But I changed the picture because I love Anne Taintor too. Did anyone actually do this?




Home Economics High School Text Book, 1954

Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal, on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed.

Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so that you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.

Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the home just before your husband arrives, gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift, too.

Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair, and if necessary change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.

Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer, dishwasher, or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. Be happy to see him. Greet him with a warm smile and be glad he is home.

Some don'ts: Don't greet him with problems or complaints. Don't complain if he is late for dinner. Count this as minor compared with what he might have gone through that day. Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soft, soothing and pleasant voice. Allow him to relax and unwind.

Listen to him. You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first.

Make the evening his. Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure, his need to be home and relax.

The Goal: Try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.

What We Deserve

I've been having these really random conversations with people about the death penalty lately.
I have no overly legal or theological reasoning as to why I don't like the idea of it, I just don't. It just doesn't sit well with me. I also don't really understand how one can be pro-life and pro-death penalty. The conversation always seems to disintegrate into someone accusing me of being pro-choice or pro-complete and blanket release of anyone on death row. I don't really know how to engage in those conversations most of the time and it's ok with me that people disagree with me.
But one thing has stood out to me throughout these conversations. That it's about what people deserve. Babies don't deserve to die and convicted killers do. I'm not arguing that babies deserve to die. My contention that even convicted killers deserve to not have their life taken away doesn't immediately negate the fact that babies don't deserve to die. To draw that conclusion is just not listening to anything I have to say.

But whether I have a valid argument or not I've been thinking about that word deserve.

Deserve: To earn by service; to be worthy of (something due, either good or evil); to merit; to be entitled to

I deserve. We deserve. Sometimes I just feel so...entitled. What if we really got what we deserved? What if when we sped we were caught and punished every time. What if when we lied, even the whitest most innocent lie it was apparent to everyone? What if every bad thought, every thought that flutters through our minds in a moment of anger, lust, jealousy, hurt was brought to the forefront and were were dealt with in a way we deserved? What then?

Sure, it's murder versus lying and speeding. You can say that it's apples and oranges. But why is it really that different? In what way do we dole out the judgment we think people deserve every day, not just in criminal trials? Is that ok, better, because it's on a much smaller scale? Whose scale are you measuring things by anyway?
How often do you withhold affection from your spouse or kids because they've hurt your feelings? When is the last time you didn't answer that call from your friend because you just didn't want to deal with their drama anymore?
Because it's what they deserved because they hurt you first, because they made you angry, because they invite the drama into their life, because they make stupid decisions and obviously are beyond your help?
Ok.
Has anyone ever done that to you? Has anyone ever stuck it to you because they decided that's what you deserved? How did that feel?

I don't know the right super duper Jesusy words to say about this to make sense in words what I think in my head. But I know that I withhold grace and compassion from people for stupid reasons. Reasons that get in the way of me vocalizing how in love with Jesus I am, that get in the way of me showing them with my actions that they matter even when they screw up so badly they have no idea how it will ever be right again. I say flip things to people I love always assuming I will have a chance to make it up to them.
So I don't know the right things to say but I know this. I serve a God that could give us what we deserve, he could cut us off and shut us out. He could turn his back on us and wash his hands. Because that's what we deserve. I serve a God that I turn towards and away from multiple times a day. I have fled from him and stared at him defiantly as I made choices that saw me traipsing down the trail of sin and depravity. But he did not give me what I deserved....what I challenged and screamed out at him to give me.

Instead, He gave me Jesus. He gave me abundant grace and forgiveness. He gave me people that were patient and understanding, people that took time to see me and encourage me. He gave me hope where I had none and light where I only invited darkness. He gave me Jesus.

So my question for those of us that serve God and follow Jesus is, who exactly do we think we are to decide what people deserve?

Washington Project Video (and tattoos)

Here's the latest video for Washington Project. Last week we took Sunday papers and hot coffee to local laundry mats and other random places (hardware stores, Goodwill, Nursing Home, Fire Station) to tangibly express God's love to them and to tell them that we appreciate them.


20090111 Washington Project from Greg Hodges on Vimeo.


(also, I'm seriously considering getting a tattoo, details may or may not follow. If they don't follow you'll just have to keep an eye out for the ink)

The light makes the dark more bearable

The other day on DMF my friend Katy mentioned that she has a hard time with perpetual darkness. Our friend Angie went on to say the snow is the only thing that makes the dark bearable. She said it changes everything, because it is so white.
I stared at their words for quite awhile that day, because it's true. Maybe not snow, but darkness whether physical or spiritual is so oppressive some days you don't know how to claw your way out or where to reach out to for help. Light, no matter how dim, shines a light into the darkness and begins to chase it away.

Darkness sometimes feels like my constant companion. I can summon it with the push of the play button or a memory that floats up uninvited of she and he. I've been working hard through some of that junk with God of late, He's been pretty clear that I need to slow down and spend more time alone, silent, with him. So I'm slowing down, I'm listening more and searching for the light and hitting skip on the iPod when a dark song shuffles in.
Yet the darkness remains. It's nipping at my heals and grasping for my heart.
Michelle wouldn't let it go last night. No matter how many times I told her I was ok she just kept asking. It was lovely and uncomfortable at the same time.
How do I continue to explain this to people when I can't even understand it myself?

It seems like this time of year is so dark, I begin to forget what the sun feels like or that there is anything light at all.
It's not bad, but it's not good. It just seems to be most days. I can list a million things that have caused it and have none of them be really true. I can't define it or explain it and I can't seem to make it go away for long. Is it the time of year, sure. Is it the season of remembering and missing her, of course. Is it the messed up way I still love him so much, probably. Is it genetic, self-inflicted, environmental? Yes, yes, and yes, but at the same time no, no and no.
I've drank away the darkness, I've distracted myself with boys and lost myself in smoke and the hustle and bustle of always being busy. I've immersed myself in the darkness, thinking that I just had to plow through it, focus on it and feel it to get through it and past it. Nothing.
The one thing, the most obvious thing, that I haven't done is immerse myself in the light.

I've begged to feel better, I've shouted, cried, pouted, crossed my arms and stomped my feet. I've been troubled by the deafening silence and overwhelmed by the soft whispers urgently calling me to His feet. The hooks of darkness are in there deep, and it is at times so painful to begin to extract them. The small doses of the light that I've opened myself to have slowed the annual descent of darkness, the light is beginning to heal the torn places the darkness has claimed. Will the light stop the darkness completely? I don't know, perhaps. Maybe this year, maybe next, I don't know what will happen. But it's begun to make the dark that descends more bearable, and I have hope....that one day the light will completely eradicate the darkness.

On planet Earth

Six billion people on the planet. If we reduce that population to a one hundred people, proportionately,

57 of those people come from Asia

21 from Europe

14 from North and South America

8 from Africa

49 would be women

51 would be men

68 would still not be able to read and write

6 of those people would own and control 50% of the world’s wealth, all of those six people would
be US citizens

1 of those people would have just been born

1 of those people is about to die

Only 1 of those people have been to college.

How do you see the world? Maybe in your world, almost everyone goes to college. But on planet earth, one in one hundred people will have a college experience.

On planet earth…

One third of the world’s population is dying from a lack of bread.

One third is dying from lack of justice.

One third is dying from over-eating

I got this from this blog and just thought it was interesting. We're very self-centered when it comes to things we do and do not have. We have very unique points of view on what "poor" means. Even the poorest of us in America are richer then a lot of people.
Should we feel bad about it? Maybe. Maybe we should at least feel something, anything at all about the fact that we wash our cars with more clean water then some countries have to drink.
I don't think feeling bad is going to solve the problem. I know that a lot of you feel empathy for people less fortunate then yourselves. I know that several of you do things, several things in fact. But the fact remains:

Nothing will change until we DO something. Until we step out in faith and boldness and say enough, enough is enough is enough.
What are you doing? What could you do? What's stopping you from doing it?

You are a God of seeing

We had our first 2009 Washington Project today. We took 40 papers and 4 carafes of coffee to two local laundry mats and gave Sunday papers and cups of coffee away for free. The group I was with went to a laundry mat in Mason on 42. There weren't that many people there, we ended up driving to a few other places to give away the Sunday paper, but there was a woman at the laundry mat that cried when we gave her a paper and some coffee. Cheryl had been having some serious family drama going on that weekend and she almost didn't come to do her laundry like usual because she just wanted to stay in bed with the covers over her head. We had the amazing opportunity to encourage this woman and tell her that for no other reason, perhaps God led us to that laundry mat so we could encourage her, pray for her and brighten her day with the message that God loves her. It was a beautiful thing and the exact reason I love serving in outreach so much. Sometimes it doesn't go according to our plan, sometimes there's an awkward moment or two (or twelve). But in the end, God seems to have everything under control. Seeing as he's like, you know, God and all.
As an aside, days like today encourage me. These are the days that carry me through the endless days of planning and searching for ways to serve, making connections and socializing on a level that I'm still so very uncomfortable with. Days like today, looking into Cheryl's eyes as she spoke with tears in her eyes about the encouragement we were blessed to bring her make everything else totally worth it.

Days like today illustrate to me that God sees us, He cares so deeply for us in every aspect and on every level. He cares for our well being and doesn't want us to be hungry or lonely, thirsty or afraid. God sees right through us and sends messages to us everyday through people that may not even know they are messengers for the most high God. I feel like the luckiest girl that I get to be even the smallest part of his redeeming plan for the people that he loves so much deeper then I can comprehend.
Don't lose faith, know that your kindness, your faithfulness and obedience opens your heart to God using you in ways you can't imagine yet. I know that he has used many of you to encourage me, to lift me up when I felt I was so far down. I'm also pretty sure that at least one of you literally drug me out of bed when all I wanted to do was stay in it with the covers over my head.

Sometimes it's just a coffee and paper. Sometimes it's just a smile that isn't returned or a door held open without a thank you. Sometimes it feels mundane, unnoticed, unrewarding to reach so much farther out to people then they seem to be reaching out to you. But sometimes it's encouragement, hope, and love. Sometimes it's the difference between life and death, joy and despair.

May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus

Hope, as the consequence and expression of faith, is not wishful thinking but an absolute confidence in God's promises for the future based on his faithfulness in the past.