Day Three

Third day of no power at work, so I'm home again. Frankly I'm a little bored and afraid of what my inbox is going to look like.
I slept in, showered, and now am contemplating being productive. But instead I'm typing on here and watching MISTER ROGERS.
I LOVE Mister Rogers. It makes me calm to watch him. Today he is showing a documentary of how to make balloons.

I'm running out of stuff to pack. Maybe I'll pare down my kitchen cabinets and pack up some of that today. It's definitely about to be clean sheet day (I love clean sheet day!)
Sharen, Jeff, Doug and I are embroiled in a blood feud over Skip-Bo. It was an agonizing defeat last night as Jeff and I went head to head, each with only a 6 left in our draw pile. When Jeff won he literally stood up and threw his chair over in triumph and he and Doug high-fived. Oh silly boys.

Ok, that balloon documentary was really cool. How can PBS even consider taking Mister Rogers off TV?!

Broken Things: Julie Miller

You can have my heart
Though it isn't new
It's been used and broken
And only comes in blue
It's been down a long road
And it got dirty on the way
If I give it to you will you make it clean
And wash the shame away

You can have my heart
If you don't mind broken things
You can have my life if you don't mind these tears
Well I heard that you make old things new
So I give these pieces all to you
If you want it you can have my heart

So beyond repair
Nothing I could do
I tried to fix it myself
But it was only worse when I got through
Then you walked into my darkness
And you speak words so sweet
And you hold me like a child
Till my frozen tears fall at your feet

I just keep repeating

I will not visit iTunes
I will not visit iTunes
I will not visit iTunes
I will not visit iTunes
I will not visit iTunes
I will not visit iTunes
I will not visit iTunes
I will not visit iTunes
I will not visit iTunes

I could easily spend thousands of dollars there, and I just don't have that cash laying around right now.

One more thing

The power's back on! At least at my house!

The Responsibility Process

• First: What is a difficult or troubling situation in your life?
• Second: What payoffs or benefits do you get for keeping it like it is?
• Third: What cost do you pay for keeping it like it is?
• Fourth: How do you create, promote, or allow it to be the way it is?
• Fifth: What do you pretend not to know?
• Sixth: What do you want?
• Seventh: What actions can you take/requests can you make to get this done?
• Eighth: When will you do this?

There are some days that I expend all my energy not answering these questions.

Power is still out: 30 hours and counting....

I'm sitting on my sisters back porch because my class tonight was canceled. Well it was an intro to a class. The class is part of a bible study program that runs concurrent with the school year. This year it's on the life of Moses. I know a few people that have gone, and I think I'll enjoy it. At the very least I'll be smarter after this.
Also, I'm pretty sure the neighbors are smoking weed and trying to disguise it as a camp fire. Because it smells like weed with some camp fire intermingled. Ugh, I detest pot.
I read a quote, no strike that, I heard a phrase on Heroes (my new obsession, this power outage is stealing precious catch up time...season three starts in a week!) and it has been running through my head ever since.

You aren't looking for redemption, you're looking for ignorance.

Redemption: atonement for guilt

Sometimes it's easier to be ignorant. Sometimes I really wish that I just didn't know things, or about things. I wish I wouldn't have seen things and experienced things. Because sometimes these things get all tangled up in my head and I can't seem to focus on other things.
I haven't really processed what it is exactly I'm trying to say....but sometimes when I should be asking for forgiveness, or redemption, what I'm really praying for is ignorance.
Most of all there are so many things I haven't heard. You see, I'm a class A eavesdropper. It served me well, I was proficient and stealth about it. I integrated it so deeply into my everyday behavior that I do it to this day without even thinking about it.
When I was a child, heck, even now when I'm an adult, I hear bits and pieces of things and I don't get the whole story. So I fill in the blanks, I add things on, I draw my own conclusions.
Sometimes, I'm right. Sometimes I'm not.
My gut instinct when I hear things is to adapt, quickly. I hear things that might have to do with what this person likes in a girl, or what that person respects in another and I immediately take that to mean that I'm not those things. That those things are the sum total of who I should be.
Sometimes it's like a drug, or even like being drunk on changing, adapting.
I don't know I'm rambling, to much quiet I suppose without all the power.

Someone that I love was loud and boisterous yesterday. I realize that I can be that way too, but the setting we were in was one in which I very desperately try to fly below the radar. Not often, but occasionally, it seems physically painful to be seen, to be noticed, because I feel so less then, so not enough.
I don't know what it all means, I don't really know how to completely move past this. I know that it's better then before, I know that it gets better all the time...I'm just impatiently waiting for it to be all gone.

It's so quiet

Powers out at my house. They say over 600,000 people are affected and it could take up to a week to get power to some people.
There were winds up to 60 MPH the majority of the afternoon Sunday. So I've charged my phone and laptop at a friends that has electricity and other then that I'm buttoned down waiting for power.
Without electricity it's so quiet, and I'm getting a lot of reading done. I helped a friend with filing and now am ready for a nap. (And one of those JTM hamburgers I took to Sharens....mmmmm)

I have a few things to say, hopefully my battery will hold out long enough for me to crawl up on my soapbox.