I don't remember the day that we met
I don't remember what I was wearing or the words that left your lips

I feel like it would be easier
Knowing

Knowing where it started and why it started
Maybe it would help me walk away

I don't remember what happened the first time you spoke to me that way
I don't remember why I was so willing to believe I was worth so little to be cast away with a sigh and roll of your eyes

I feel like if I could only understand the why I would understand what to do next and where I should go from here

But I know better
I know the why isn't important
I know the how and the where and the what isn't the point
I know this started generations before I was around

Because the way we treat people lasts and lasts
The words we speak and the actions we choose or don't choose
They matter

I see it in myself
An exhausted disdain
A wondering if all this digging and fixing is worth it
Because I wonder if I'm worth it
I'm fighting to believe I'm worth it

Decades of apathy and swallowing bitter pills of whatever scraps I could grasp onto have numbed my bravery and I can hardly even ask anymore
But I ask
You forget
I cry
We all move on

And I'm trying to move on
I'm trying to be better
I'm trying to realize that I'm not the only one that needs to do better but I'm the only one that I can make do better
So I try, I move on and I do better