Back when I was young and had no idea what it meant to be in love my "first love" and I broke up.
I didn't know what to do. So I packed up my Sony mini boom box and my Bon Jovi Slippery When Wet tape and headed off to my grandparents house for the weekend.
Several crazy things happened that weekend.
1) My Grandfather had recently purchased a little motorized cart to get around on the farm. It had a basket on the back, I presume to keep his guns. I popped some D batteries in the boom box and decided to ride it around the farm lanes while I cried out to God "WHY!? WHY ME! WHY!?!" I was apparently in the sad and on the brink of death stage of grief. Right before I left the house I ran into my Grandmother. This woman rarely had a kind word to say to me and I'm not certain this counts as kind. But as I staggered sniffling towards the stairs in my red Camp Wanake sweatshirt (which will clarify which boyfriend this was for Nicole) and lugging my boom box loaded with the sweet soothing styling of Bon Jovi she stopped me at the top of the stairs. She rested her hand on my shoulder and said, "I know this seems like the end of the world now. But, Bethany, boys are like tissues. You pull one out, blow them, throw them away and then another one pops up!"
I'm fairly certain she was going for a "There's always more fish in the sea" kind of thing, but even at that age I knew what blow them meant and couldn't believe that conversation just happened.
2) I finally make it onto the motorized cart and I proceeded to drive around the farm for (literally) FOUR HOURS playing and rewinding Never Say Good-Bye until I was all cried out. Then, as I transitioned into the anger portion of my break up weekend I switched it to You Give Love A Bad Name and sang it while sobbing quite dramatically at the top of my lungs. The rainbow trout were quite startled when I drove around the pond that day.
3) When Mom came to pick me up she brought Nicole, who has been around for every break up dramatic or otherwise. Nicole brought me a balloon, I can't remember what it said because I let it go outside and well....as it so happens when you do that to something filled with helium it flies away. As Mom chatted with the grown ups I strapped back on that Wanake sweatshirt and we decided to go on our own dual spin on the motorized cart. With me balanced precariously in the basket and Nicole gunning it for all it was worth we set off. As we were driving down the back lane and chattering away about what a jerk ex boyfriend was and how I was soooooo better off without him she got a little distracted and drove into a deep ditch. I mean DEEP. I mean we couldn't get the cart out of the ditch.
Finally one of had the BRILLIANT idea to put the cart in reverse and gun it while also pushing it up the hill. There was no way that plan could fail. So we did, and we each (at different points) almost ran over ourselves. Scraped and at least one of us (ME) bleeding we finally made it up the side of the ditch and carefully rode the cart back to the house. I walked in with my red sweatpants (yes, I was wearing red sweatpants with a red sweatshirt. Isn't it clear now how my milkshakes brought all the boys to the yard?) torn and Betty had shown up. She sneered, "What did you do?!". I just shrugged and said, they were like this when I put them on this morning and quickly moved into the next room to tell mom I was ready to go.
But the good news is, after all of those adventures, I was almost completely over my heartbreak.