I am excited to say I'm at a leadership conference today. It was a last minute invite and I got the email at like 10pm on Monday.
I needed to make sure I could get the days off of work so I knew that first thing the next day I needed to talk to my boss.
I then proceeded to lay away for 3 hours.
I was so excited, like couldn't sleep excited. I felt included and as silly as it sounds I was excited.
As soon as my brain realized I was excited I started talking myself out of it.
I probably couldn't get the days off of work
If I did my boss would probably hold a grudge against me (even though she's not that kind of boss)
I haven't been feeling well, what if I accept and I get to sick to go, then I'll have disappointed people
As if that wasn't enough my OCD about social situations started clicking way at full force. Where will I sleep, what if I have to go to the bathroom (a lot of my anxiety is bathroom related, which is just weird to me) on the road trip and no one wants to stop. What will I talk about etc etc etc.
I tried to get my mind to stop, I tried to think of scriptures to calm myself down but I was going full force and it was very hard to stop.
Between that and not being able to breathe well I was a hot mess.
But, it was all fine. My boss ok'd the leave and acted like it was no big deal. I'm sure the ride was fine (I'm writing this before I leave) because it always is, these guys are fun and friendly and kind.
It's all fine, I just decided to preemptively lose 3 hours of sleep over nothing. You know, business as usual in Bethany's brain.