Loser, baby

I love The Biggest Loser.
There is a guy on this year whose abdomen hangs down to his knee caps. He weighed in at the beginning at over 600 lbs. He ate a large pizza as an appetizer every night. (I mean, he didn't even have to order, the pizza place just brought it to him)
His team has worked the last few weeks to keep him safe. To keep him on the ranch because he needs to be on the ranch.

Then, last week there was a temptation challenge. Each person was able to go into a room filled with chocolate and had 3 minutes to decide if they were going to eat any or not. The person that ate the most chocolate pieces was able to rearrange the teams by swapping 2 people on one team to the other.

Phillip, who weighed in over 600 lbs and was on a ranch to lose weight at 35 pieces of chocolate. He literally was elongating his throat and utilizing competitive eating tools he ate 35 pieces of chocolate.

Then, he moved the 2 strongest people off of his team in exchange for the 2 weakest people on the other team. Because he wanted "sacrificial lambs" to throw off the show to save his dad and himself.
Now, the decision was confidential. The teammates were never going to find out that he made this decision.
Yet after the switch was made. After the announcement he said he wanted to explain himself. Then he went on to explain that he was sacrificing these two people from the other team to keep he and his dad safe.

Needless to say, it was dramatic.

But then, the next day at the gym Jillian and Bob walk in. They realize there are new people on the team and ask what happened. Phillip explains, others chime in. There's more tears and more shouting.
Then....everything gets quiet.
Phillip says that he just didn't trust the people that he move to the other team and he needed to protect himself and his dad.
After a few more moments of silence Jillian says:
"What you've created now, is the very thing that you were afraid of..."

She also says:
"In fearing that situation and not trusting in your ability you're now in a situation that is the very thing that you feared"

Then Jillian went on to say: 
"You knew the plan. You knew the plan that we had for you, and now everything that we've set up for you...in one foul swoop you destroyed everything we planned for you. I think you were feeling afraid. You were trying to protect you and your dad."

Phillip replied, "But I was just trying to save everybody"

I mean, ya'll. I just started crying. Flat out.
I don't mean to be all Jesus freaky but if that wasn't a summary of the sin in my life I don't know what is.
I get so afraid. So terrified of being left, being abandoned, being ignored, left out and cast aside that I panic and try to manipulate and create the very situation that I've been afraid of, and worse yet...I often do it under the guise of trying to protect people.
Because I don't trust the plan that God has for me. Because I don't know what it is, and you can't control something you don't know about.
Because I'm afraid that he'll forget me and cast me aside like so many others have and I try to manipulate God.
Like Phillip I can see from this standing back and taking a deep breath that that is just one of the most ridiculous things I've ever thought...that I can manipulate GOD.

I just had to share. Because I'm still reeling at the truth God showed me through something as silly as The Biggest Loser.