"It's a sad fact but more and more I'm learning the only person you can count on is yourself in this world"
That's what someone said to me the other week.
I'm really struggling to not believe that. Because it seems so cynical and I don't want to be a cynical girl.
I want to stop being afraid of outside. I want to be able to go out of my house without wondering when the next attack will come, when the next cut will happen.
I want to be done with this already.
But I'm afraid to rush through the pain at the same time.
Because when I've rushed through it in the past it just simmers in the dark corners of my heart waiting for the right moments to crop up again.
I believe that I can depend on some people, and that there are people that care about me and not just because of what I do for them.
I believe that God is unfailing and will not abandon me. I believe that He is holding me tightly when I'm free falling away from all that felt safe.
Lord, I believe.
Help my unbelief.