Ben spoke recently about Dreams.
He talked about the dreams that you have for your life, the way that God partners your passion and the gifting He has given you into a dream for your life.
I thought about my dreams.
I thought about how I never really had them.
I just drifted aimlessly around flitting from one dream to another.
When I was younger, it was because I never really expected to be alive to make dreaming anything worthwhile.
As I got older I aligned myself so deeply with the dreams other people had for my life there was no room left for mine.
It's only been recently, in the last few years, that I've begun to dream.
Dream about what God is calling me to do with my life. Dream about things I'm passionate about. Dream about the next steps, the ways to align my steps now to meet up with a faster track to seeing the dreams come to fruition in the future.
As I bump into the grossness of life, my dreams are what I abandon first.
My spending habits, my time management, the very words I speak and type begin to drift away from aligning myself with the dream and into the immediate needs. Managing the crisis' instead of dealing with them and moving on.
I shove the dream down and wallow in pits and filth that detract from my dream.
I think I'm going to try to stop that.
I think I'm going to try to be more intentional (or intentional at all in some areas) about putting my dream into motion, saying no to good things so I can say yes to amazing things. Saying no to people that are good people, they're just not good people for me to allow access to my heart anymore.
Even now, I want to delete this. Even now I want to not tell you. Because I'm terrified of failing, of letting you down, of disappointing you and even me again.
But I'm going to try. I'm going to sacrifice and prioritize and move steadily towards the dream. For really one of the first times ever.