Hearts Safe

I've been struggling through this hurt for a week now. Trying to feel this and not shove it down or aside to fester until another cut happens. I've been trying not to dwell on it, and attempting to see what it is that God is trying to teach me through this.

To be honest, some days I have to work hard to even care to work through it. I'd rather just sit and mope, drink, disconnect and lose myself in the halls of Hogwarts pretending that none of this is happening.
But I try anyway.
Because I've done it the other way. I've done the hiding, I've done the evading, I've done it all and more than a few times. All it really does is delay the hurt.

My heart tells me that to keep it safe I have to lock it away, not let anyone near it for fear of it being harmed again. But that's a damage in and of itself isn't it? This locked away alone heart. It creates a vacuum of lies that fills my heart not with safety but with fears, anxiety and hurt.
As terrified as I am of letting people close to me, when I am attentive and measure the people I allow close to my heart they help to heal the cuts and soothe the bruising.

So I'm trying to talk to people, but not worship the cut. I don't want to be detailed but I want to share with people that really care about the hurt because otherwise it's just me, alone, worshipping the hurt instead of trying to learn from it and move on.
I'm trying to remember to tell people what God is doing in my life right now instead of acting like all of His delivering of me from evil is already done and over with.
We used to keep our hearts safe
We kept them safe and locked away
But then we grew up learning
That life could serve us in a better way
-Hearts Safe, Tenth Avenue North

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