"You're dead, aren't you?" said Harry exasperatedly, "Who can answer better than you?" "I was afraid of death," said Nick. "I chose to remain behind. I sometimes wonder whether I oughtn't to have...Well, that is neither here nor there...In fact, I am neither here nor there..." He gave a small sad chuckle. "I know nothing of the secrets of death, Harry, for I chose my feeble imitation of life instead."I've been trying to remember that I shouldn't throw the baby out with the bathwater. Old scars and reminders whispering to me that relationships aren't worth it, that it's not worth the risk. I've been trying to remember that I should be pushing forward towards the life that God is calling to, I've been trying to remember that there are people I can confide in, people I can trust. But instead I'm finding I can only hold on for a little each day. I can sneak out of my fear and out of my terror and I can hang on to that.
--Harry Potter: Order of the Phoenix
But only for a little bit.
Then I retreat back to this feeble imitation of life trying like hell to recover.