I really enjoy social media. I like to send things out into the atmosphere and not dwell on the fact that other people might read it. I like to see into what other people are thinking/saying/doing at the time.
I'm startled when people comment on things I say online in real life because I almost always forget it's not just me and this little computer screen chatting. Almost, because I remember enough to not give away all the juicy gossipy details.
The other day I read something on someones twitter. It was about something they were doing, something I did last year but didn't know about this year.
I was jealous. Because I wanted to be there too.
I realize logically that I could have obtained the information myself, I could have gone it wasn't an invite only thing. But illogically, which is where I struggle to not live constantly, I was upset that I wasn't invited.
I was jealous.
Oh I hate being jealous. It feels so weak and useless.
When I get jealous it starts my head down a path of wondering why I wasn't invited, have I done something to upset? Have I stepped out of line and I'm no longer welcome in this circle of people? I panic and wonder if I'm finally being cast aside for something more....someone more than I am.
Knowledge is power to me and when I discover information I didn't have I feel hurt and left out. When it's not even appropriate that I feel that way.
Just a thought, between this small little computer screen and I this morning. I don't have a pink bow for this post, and I do struggle to try to not always need them. I'm just trying to not be jealous today.