Resolutions

In 2003 I made a New Years Resolution to never make another New Years Resolution again. I've kept it every year since. But I think I might break it this year.
2009 was a pretty big year for me. But we've already covered that.

I'm thinking that I would like to make a few resolutions for 2010. I want to say that I will accomplish them; but I have a history with not following through on things in my personal life so I'm scared. I want to be upbeat and positive, I want to totally believe in myself. But I'm not, I don't. But here are the things that I'm going to try to do this year:

• Savings

I have been pretty good at staying out of debt. With the exception of my mortgage and student loans I have $0 in debt. I have no credit cards except for my bank card that comes right from my checking account. But I absolutely suck at saving money. I suck at it big time. If I have a quarter I'll find a gumball machine that I need a gumball from. The only time I'm good at savings is when I'm imminently under pressure to have the money to pay for something (a trip, taxes, tires etc.). But mostly what happens is I don't pay something that month and make up for it the next month.
This is a system that for the lack of a better phrase that has served me well for the last almost 6 years (which is when I paid off all my credit card, car loan etc. debt).
But owning a house has gotten me a little scared straight. More to the point, property taxes that I have to save up for because I don't escrow them and being legally responsible for an expensive asset have scared me straight. I hate feeling like I'm missing out on something because I don't want to or can't spend the money on something, but I'm learning to realize that I'm not really missing out on anything, there are ways around it or a way to just not feel like I'm missing out.
So for 2010 I'm going to save money. $50 a month at first, building it by $5 a week after that if possible. Even if it's not much I have to start somewhere. I can't wait until I have $700 to put in a savings account to start saving, I just need to start somewhere.
Extra money that I make through working at the book store and dogsitting will go straight to savings. 100% of it.

• Budget

Part of the savings plan has GOT to be getting back on budget. I have a budget, but I'm a little loosey goosey when I stick to it (if I stick to it). Clearly whatever is going on with that budget is not working for me. So I'm going to sit down tomorrow and but it all in line. What I owe to whom (who?) when and what I earn from who when and how to make it work out. I am a single person with no debt and an excellent full time job and many part time gigs on the side. There is NO reason it should be this hard. The only person that is screwing up this equation is me. So I'm going to try to pull myself up by my boot straps and just get it worked out. So if I'm grumpy...blame the budget. Money and I are climbing in a cage and I'm not getting out until I've beaten it into submission.

• Weight/Working Out
  

Please don't look at me while I discuss this. My weight is ridiculous. It's out of control, I'm out of control. I hired a trainer that I work out with once a week. But I have to face that I'm not really working that hard at it. I'm doing just enough until it gets hard and inconvenient and then I just half-ass it to get by. It's the pattern of my personal life. Because I don't believe I'm worth the effort.
I can't afford to work out with FT anymore than once a week because he's really freakin expensive. But I am going to be better about going to the gym 3 times a week no matter what. I will be saying no or not now to a lot of things that I love doing so I can go get better so I can keep doing them for a long time. Monday Mornings, Tuesday Evenings, Wednesday Evenings for sure. Depending on my part time gigs Friday night or Saturday during the day as well. You can ask me about these. Make me tell you. I might need you to not make eye contact with me while we talk about it, the shame is really palpable. But please ask me if I went to the gym and if I say no call me on my shit. If I start to cry, that would be the sign that you need to be a little nicer about it though...I'm really ashamed in this area and might throw up with the realization that more than 1 or 2 of you read this.

• Weight/Nutrition

This is the hardest. I really love food that is terrible. I will not eat fish. Stop telling me I should. I'm starting small and working my way up from there.

1. No food from a building with a drive thru attached
2. Only eat out (at a non-drive thru building) once a week.
3. No soda. At all.
4. Candy, cookies, sweets of that sort 3 times a week total. Quantity those 3 times not to exceed 150 calories.

That's the best I can do right now I think. Nutrition is really hard for me. I can't figure out why I can't get it and I feel pretty stupid as a result. If you see me drinking a soda please physically remove it from my hand. If you see drive thru wrappers around me ask me about them. Again, eye contact may have to be severed for awhile, but please push me on it. I'm very sneaky.

I'm hoping to have lost 40 pounds by the end of 2010. That should be easy, no problem. But I'm terrified of being a failure so that's the goal I'm setting.

There you go. My ridiculously terrifying list of goals for 2010. Promise you'll help? I'll need all I can get.