Wrap Me Up

I awoke this morning to the shadow of your laughter on my pillow
Stumbling through my constant attempts to get to work on time I am suddenly paralyzed by the remembrance of you, in my dream, looking at me.
She said that God wasn't done with us yet.
She said that there was still a plan, a hope, and that this wasn't the last chapter in our book.

I keep imagining that the time must be coming. The time to throw it all down and walk away for good. The time to finally be past this. But years have passed with no end in sight. Without invitation you envelop me in a cloud of what if and someday, without my permission you cause me to smile aimlessly as i think of our ambling walks and conversations.

Just the thought of you increases my confidence and rises a blush to my cheeks with the memory of how beautiful I felt that day, in the woods, imaging with you.

I wish I had her vision , I wish I had her patience and confidence for you and I. But I am standing here, waiting, holding the frustration and dull disdain for the years that have passed without you.

It is the same and brand new here without you. It is painless and devastating to move on, to step forward while glued to the same spot I've been in for so long. I am happy and sad without you, and I have no way of telling people that it's not irrational this love I love. My life is at the same time full and empty and I am at the same time holding my breath waiting for the day we may be together again and exhaling with the sheer relief of not being with you anymore.

But it is the shadow of your laughter and how you looked at me in the woods that day that have silenced me and drawn me out, it is the promise of a future that may never come that keeps me moving forward and frozen in place.
It is you that undoes me, and yet wraps me up.