You speak to me on the rise of my chest as I breathe. I see you in the girl at the auto shop that doesn't know how she's going to pay the bill.
I hear you in the music that I have just discovered.
But on this one thing, I hear your silence most of all.
I hear the silence as deafening as it is roaring in my ears.
Your silence shatters me like little else can. How do I find my way without you?
God, please answer me....
On this one thing, if only this thing please answer me.
When will it be enough? When will peace come? How will it come?
When will someone be able to bear witness to this without trying to fix it or offering patronizing platitudes that only make me want to run screaming from the room.
When God? When?
I don't know what else to say. I don't know how to articulate this more to you.
You have my heart, you have the very soul of me. You know, please help me find the top to this glass that I'm drowning this sorrow in.
Please
Please God Please
2 comments:
Turn around, sweetie.
He's been standing right behind you the whole time, and so have we.
We're back here so that no one is in your way as you try to move forward, yet we'll keep you from falling back.
I love you. He loves you.
And platitude though it may be, she loved you too.
She might even tell you to put down the glass and honor her memory by helping someone else in her name, even for a day.
Maybe not.
I do know that she wasn't opposed to a drink from time to time. But I also know that she cared about everyone she knew, and even though we weren't her kids, we mattered to her.
We mattered enough that she would speak up and tell us if she thought our behavior was unhealthy.
Push through. I'm not saying don't mourn or miss her. But push through.
We'll be here to hold your hand if you want us to. Hell, you can scream at me and slap me if you want to. Just do it sober. At least this week. Please.
Jake I love you. I love that you always know exactly what to say and how to say it and when to say it. I love that you knew her too and can snap me out of this like no one else can because they weren't really there.
Also, I did put the glass down. I called someone (albeit drunkenly) and talked about it and got out of my head. Baby steps. Plus I didn't drink last night...so that's an improvement I suppose.
Thanks dear...I love you!
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