Am I allowed to just bitch?

Because apparently I'm not. Apparently everything is just always my fault. I know, you feel so terrible for me right?
Maybe having a blogger that I can access at work is not a good idea. Because now it is my lunch break and I am so damn infuriated with someone and I know that it will calm down, but I don't even want to look at them let alone speak with them at the moment.
When someone comes to me with a way that I have hurt them, offended them, or wronged them I apologize. Whether I agree with what they're saying or not. I just apologize because I think that it's terrible to be so dismissive of someones feelings about something. Case in point my entry several posts ago about the same person I'm talking about here. They feel very comfortable letting me know when I've done something that makes them feel bad, feel like they're not being handled with kid-gloves. I apologized, and none of that "I'm sorry you feel that way" crap because that's almost worse then not apologizing at all.
However, today, I had a reason to be blindly filled with rage towards this person. Whether they agree with my reasons or not is beside the point. So I calm down enough to ask the person about this situation, because that's the fair thing to do right? Not just run to "mommy" with all my complaints....in the words of this person. What happens? I'm dismissed. "There is no real reason for you to be upset, you're blowing this out of proportion". I mean seriously. It just irritates me.
What else, what else. I hate just bitching. I feel like if the options are for me to get over myself and to start banging heads with people I"ll just get over myself. When I say that though people always assume that means I'm swallowing my feelings and not feeling anything again...and that leads no where nice for me. But I'm not sure that I am. I'm just trying to correctly interpret what is worth getting all worked up over and what isn't. It really has saved a lot of time in the last few years.....time that would have been spent just pissing and moaning about how unfair life is and it changes nothing. Does that make sense?
Hmmm....examples maybe would help.
My friend and her best friend had a falling out, and the next time they "saw" each other was when my friend was dead and at her viewing. Now, the reason they had gone separate ways was right, was worth the "trouble". But it still made a ridiculously huge imprint on me. I have 5 uncles, all my dad's brothers. Two of them have fought, and I mean fought like dogs over who has done more for each other. They're OK now, it's been 6 or so years since that fight. But at the time, they weren't speaking to each other at all, unless it was with fiery sharp words intended to hurt. One of them was getting ready to move to UK for almost 2 years. What's more important, being right or knowing that if someone happens to someone you love that they know, inspite of everything, that you love them? To me, being right is hardly ever worth a broken relationship, a rift that will take years to repair, and will still probably leave things worse then they were to begin with.
So I don't really know. I"m not pretending for even a second that I have the answers to your reasons for broken relationships. But the bottom line question that I ask myself is, "If I or this person (people) were to die today, would being right really matter?" With no exceptions in the last 2 years, the answer has been a resounding no. It's just not important.
The other thing that comes to mind in these situations for me is this: what is the image that I'm giving of a Christian when I bitterly hold on to being right instead of loving? How does that question reconcile itself with everyday situations? The situation that I "just want to bitch" about is really not that important. The person I'm upset with is an acquaintance and we're friendly, but I wouldn't say we're friends outside of situations that we're not both required to attend. My communicating to her that I "love" her isn't necessarily the driving point behind this issue. The issue for me, and is most of the time, is this: if this person doesn't have a relationship with Christ, and they know I do, what message am I sending to them? I know that many of you may think that it's not even an issue because they will realize that I'm not Christ. But do I not represent him?
Before I was saved I would look at these "Christians" and I would stomp my foot, cross my arms, and vow to never believe in God because of those douche bags. So I KNOW that there are people that will seek out Christians to see what Christ is like. How could I do that to the image of Christ? How could I misrepresent him in such a grotesque angry way? I just can't.
So if that means that I don't "get" to be angry, that I don't "get" to throw a temper tantrum when I feel slighted or treated poorly then so be it. That and so much more is worth it if it encourages even one person to step one step closer to salvation in Christ.