Ok, the rule is to type for five minutes and post whatever vomits out of my fingertips. May God be with you all.
My therapist suggested that it might be a good idea to go to karate or some kind of self defense class. She said, not just go but really learn it.
Apparently it might help with my paranoia.
So of course I said that was all well and good but what if I was sleeping and someone came into my house to attack me. Then I'd be attacked in a dead sleep, or I could be locked in a trunk and I'm not Sydney Bristow, I couldn't just hi-yah my way out of the trunk.
See, whenever someone (or myself) tries to reassure me that I'm safe...I can come up with at least 3 if not 4 ways they're wrong.
Get a dog- The killers could also kill the dog, they could feed it frozen hot dogs to distract it, I could have one of those broken dogs that doesn't bark at strangers
Get an alarm system- The wires could be cut, I could forget to set it, a contractor could figure out the code and disarm it, a worker could just hide in my house without leaving so they're ALREADY IN THE HOUSE when I set the alarm and go to bed.
Get a gun- OH LORD. People are killed with their own guns all the time, my friend had a gun feet from her and was still murdered, I would probably end up shooting my cats or Pete before I actually used it on an attacker
So on and so on I can go. Because I know there are exceptions to all the rules. I know that attacks can happen anywhere. I know the saying, "I didn't think that could happen here" is a damn lie.
I mean, people say that this person hasn't killed anyone or robbed anyone or whatever but again, LOTS of people were murderers until they killed someone.
I don't watch scary movies/shows anymore. I barely watch the news and I don't read scary books except on accident. But still, I'm terrified all the time and even after working through the belief that I'm not safe anywhere I still believe it as much. I don't know how to stop believing it or calm down about it.
Maybe I will take a martial arts class. But Pete should probably take one too, because I startle easily and don't want to karate chop him to death because I didn't expect to turn the corner and find him in the kitchen.