Sometimes I have these memories.
I'm not entirely certain if they're actually true.
I could probably ask people that I seemingly share the memories with but I've done that before, and they don't remember it that way. For a girl that thinks she's always wrong that means I am remembering things wrong.
Sometimes the memories I have aren't of conversations but of feelings.
Feelings that things were off, that they just weren't right.
People have asked me lately what the cause of my distress is, they ask me what the traumatic situation was that I'm recovering from.
I feel like I have to justify it.
Like my hurt and my inability to move past things without professional help isn't valid because it's not (insert non-melodramatic suburban white girl problem here)
I'm trying not to justify it. I'm trying to simply own my share in the trauma and figure out how to healthily move past the experiences once and for all so I can get back to a fully functioning life.
I know that's not what people are trying to do, but they manage to do it anyway.
So I'm going to stop justifying and just respond to people when they say things like that and ask them to help, instead of retreating within my shame and believing I'm all wrong.