Spouses

I literally know one other single person in Cincinnati that I hang out with on any regular basis. I know other single people, but it takes some coordination to hang out with them.
So, as a result the remaining people that I hang out with on any regular basis in Cincinnati are married.

Sometimes I become friends with the couple at the same time.
Sometimes I connect with the wife and the husband comes along for the friendship ride.
Sometimes I connect with the husband first. Either because I met him first or in most cases because he wasn't married at the time I met him.

When that last case happens I seek out the wife and work hard to friend her too. Because the most loving thing I can do for my male married friends is be transparent with their wives so they (the wives) know that I am no threat at all. That I want their marriage to be successful and for it to last a lifetime.

I set conversational boundaries and time boundaries so any friendship I have with a married man is above reproach. Not because I have feelings for them. Not because I am some scheming hussy of a home wrecker. But because again, the kindest and most loving expression of friendship I can give to my married men friends is to honor their wives.

With my married women friends, well it's a little different. I try to encourage them in their marriages. I try to build up their husbands when/if we talk about them. I try to encourage them towards reconciliation when/if they call me upset about an argument and I work really hard to set appropriate conversational boundaries so I don't get drawn into marital strife that riles me up on their behalf, and then I'm never included in the resolution of that strife.

I vacillate between a content and totally prepared to be this way for the rest of my life single girl and a girl with so much relational baggage I can't imagine ever having another new friend let alone a romantic relationship. So sometimes it's really hard for me to be privy to marital strife. Because it makes me feel very lonely and very brittle. The only way I can combat that sometimes is to cheer on my married friends in their relationships, hoping that their success and their making it through will reassure me that sometimes, it's worth it to fight.