All or Nothing

When I was a young believer and for a long time before I let Jesus out of the closet I used to believe in an all or nothing God.
I either wanted all of Him or none of Him.
But lately, I'm feeling like I only want a little bit of God.
I only want the gracious, loving and forgiving part.
I'm finding myself shrinking away from the parts of God that tell me I need to forgive, that I need to be gracious and compassionate and that I need to be loving.

I know that I need all of him. But lately I only want a little bit of Him.
It's not the first time I've known something but believed something else.

I'm torn between wondering if it's just the cold and dreary winter settling into my bones, if I"m being melodramatic or if there's really something that needs to be seriously addressed going on.
I'm always loathe to make a huge deal out of these things, because I still don't want to inconvenience people if I can help it.

But I feel so afloat and adrift lately and I know it's because I'm wanting only a little bit of a God that has anchored me for so long with all of Him.

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