The interesting thing about the last almost week is that I've had a lot of people "that knew me when" visit.
There was Jake, Belinda and Alaina all last weekend. I've known them all since at least 7th grade and maybe before with Belinda.
Malek came and visited last night with his girlfriend. I knew him for a few years back in the living in BG days when I was a falling apart hot mess of a girl. He moved to Florida in 2002 and I hadn't seen him at all since 2003.
Then there is the inevitable spring board memories. Reminiscing with Malek made me remember living with Stephanie (Gosh I miss her so much) and Jake, Belinda and Alaina and I all poked at our dramatic high school years and talked through what it meant to be an adult.
So you'll have to excuse me if I'm feeling a little reflective.
It's so easy for me to see now where God has brought me. How he's moved me from hot mess of a falling apart girl to a lukewarm mess of a mostly keeping it together girl. Because things are really stressfull and exhausting right now. I'm not managing it well. I have all these stupid girl things happening, the house is totally out of order and chaotic, money is flying out of my accounts faster then I notice it's in there and there is just no time to be still. I'm parched. Parched for rest, for renewal, for time to reflect and think. I've been taking naps on my lunch breaks to make up for the sleep I don't get at night. It's all just enough to make me forget that this is rough, but not as bad as it used to be.
In the thick of it, whatever it is, it's really hard to see that there's an end in sight. It's really easy to be disappointed, discouraged, let down and defeated. It's pretty easy to stop being thankful for how far God has brought me and all that he's doing in my life even though I can't see it for all the sand my head is buried in.
So I'm holding on that it's there. That hope and a light at the end of the tunnel is there in the reservation made at the hotel so the floors (the last step!) can get done, in the test results that show nothing is wrong with her, in the time spent with friends that highlights just how great life is most of the time, for the baby sticking in utero still and waiting for as long as possible to meet Momma. Hope is even in the exhaustion. Because I'm wrung out and tired from working hard long hours at a time when not a lot of people have the opportunity to work at all. Hope is in the exhaustion that comes from staying up late talking to old friends who help tie together what God has done and is continuing to do in your life.
Hope is in remember what it is to be overwhelmed with thankfulness.
I'm thankful for the I'm sorry conversation that happened. For the validation that even though I was a hot mess that I was not crazy in thinking that situation was jacked up and I shouldn't have been treated that way. I'm thankful for the chance to say I'm sorry too because I was a jerk too.
I'm thankful for friendships even when they are flung across space and time.
I'm thankful for a God that has been pushing and prodding me since before I even pretended to like him in the slightest bit.
I'm thankful for you too.