Cold

Like a hand reaching out of the shadows. Lurking, lurching.
It's dark shadow looming over my heart. Squeezing, crushing. Freezing it solid.

Wondering when it will hit. The grief, the sorrow.
Wondering how long the barricades will hold.

I harden my heart. I work dilligently to not smooth the callouses of time spent dodging and dancing away from the pain.
I've become very proficient at avoiding.

Is it overwhelming? Shut down.
Is is hard? Don't even try.
Is it scary? Squeeze shut your eyes.
Is it intense? Dramatic? Turn and calmly walk the other way.

So much time spent avoiding, deflecting, sticking my head in the sand.
My mouth is so dry. My heart so thirsty from swallowing the sand I'm hiding in.

The steps to water so clear. The path so easily travelled still lies untouched.
Fear. Hate. Loathing. Laziness. Fear.
Fear that I've become so numb. Fear that I've lost sight of hope and am clinging only to cope.