I am sometimes so overwhelmed by the idea of owning a house by myself. Never has this been more true then this past Sunday, when I decided it was more then time to mow the backyard.
My backyard is at a little of an angle, not much...or so I thought. Apparently when you're grass is 1 million feet talk you can't really tell the grade of things.
So I pulled out the mower, started it up and mowed exactly 1 strip of grass when the mower stalled out. It was full of grass on the bottom.
I cleaned it out, all the time cringing imagining that at any moment the mower would spring to life all on its own and chop both of my hands off...and secondary to that thought was the question, "How will I call for help? I have a touch screen phone!" (You will be happy to hear that I have practiced several times this week dialing 911 with my nose. I can also call Sharen with my nose too.)
The grass is all pulled out, I mow a few more strips and it stalls again. I continue this rhythm for about 45 minutes until I give up. I call my brother in law Jeff and ask to borrow his weed whacker. While I wait for him to check the gas/kerosene levels I decide I need to clean off the bottom of the mower more thoroughly. So I tip it up against the side of my house and spray at it with the hose. This is the part where I get soaked from head to toe and covered in grass clippings. However, I learned one important piece of information...the bottom of the lawn mower is supposed to be red, not green! I even was scraping the shellacked clumps off the bottom, which turned my hands green even though I was wearing gloves.
After cleaning the mower off I hadn't heard from Jeff yet, so I watered my plants. I think something happened to my hose connection because it's started spraying from the house connection. So, having just gotten dry I was soaked again.
Once I was done with that Jeff called, so I went to get my keys through the garage and discovered that door was locked. Luckily the back patio door was open so I could just slide open the screen and grab my keys....I just tracked a little more dirt/grass in my house then I wanted.
While I was at Sharen and Jeff's I grabbed their hose too, so I could spray week killer to the far reaches of my yard.
Ok, so weed whacking...not really as much fun as it looks. I mean it looked all light and breezy just swinging it around whacking weeds. It isn't. It's HEAVY and VIBRATY. My arms are still a little sore from it. After thinning out the grass in the backyard I successfully mowed most of the rest of the yard. It started stalling out again and at one point it billowed massive amounts of white smoke out the front of it. There were really only 2 strips left, so I just stopped there.
After cleaning the mower (again) and the weed whacker, I settled down to some nice relaxing sweeping. Because there was chunks of grass all over my patio and driveway thanks to my cleaning out the mower so much. I was soooo tired.
But I wanted to spray the weed killer on my lawn so I could mow my yard Wednesday (today). I hooked up Sharen and Jeff's black hose to my hose using my grass stained green hands and hooked up the weed killer bottle to the hose. As I set off to start spraying I wiped my hand across my face because I was hot and tired and a little frustrated and overwhelmed. I wouldn't find out for another hour that I had smeared some black hose yuck and grass stained across the right side of my face. I sort of looked like I was about to set out on some crazy mission that required camo paint...no wonder those kids that walked by looked at me funny.
Finally, a light at the end of the tunnel! I sprayed and sprayed with gusto, knowing that when this was done I could go in the house and do nothing. (even though there were dishes in the sink...which are actually still there... laundry to do, beds to change out, floors to vacuum..well you get the point) I let go of the bottle at one point to smear more "camo" across my face and the bottle, propelled by the force of the hose, spun around and around...spraying me in the face.
Just in case you were wondering, weed killer does not clear up acne.
Lord help me there is so much to do! I also need to start pumping iron just so I can weed whack apparently. But when to find the time with all the mowing, laundry, cooking, cleaning, sweeping...
3 comments:
Can the next webisode be titled one of the following 3:
Bethany as Rambo
Bethany as Chuck Norris
Bethany the Barbarian
Since I pictured you as all three puting the hurt on the lawn mower & weed wacker?
Sounds like you could use a roommate. I think I know someone interested that enjoys yard work. ;) Hopefully I'll be there soon to help with all that is a house with a killer lawn.
You do seem to be doing a fine job though, yeah you had a rough start, but you'll get it.
You're hysterical.
Weed-whacking sucks. Period.
I used to get out of it because ours blows oil, but Cody just bought a new electric one just so I could help... I need to find a way to break it without him being suspicious.
As for the lawn, set the height higher (it's not good for your grass to cut more than 1/4-1/2 of the length of the grass at once). If that doesn't work, you can always use the "wheelie technique". Push down on the handle to the lawnmower is on two wheels and mow that way. Depending on the orientation of your gas line, you may have to level it out to keep fuel running in, but it creates a larger opening to throw out the grass so it doesn't bog down. It's not going to make your yard pretty, but it cuts it short enough to be manageable afterwards.
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