When I think of you, all I can see is lies.
When I see pictures that I've accidentally left out, I feel nauseous
I wish I could see something else
I try so hard to see something else
But your lies, the slippery way you integrated all of your lies into your life, they block those memories with a steel door.
I wish I could see fishing, long drives to elevators that didn't look like elevators
Even now, when I think about those elevators, I think about the lies that were happening in front of my eyes. I only vaguely remember the stories you told me on the way there and back.
When I think of the ice cream window, I think about the trips to the bank where you held the profit of your lies.
I think of you when I don't want to, which is almost all the time.
I wish it didn't get to me, these lies that you told. I think that I could cope with it better, had you not espoused the morality and holiness you "lived by". I wish I could remember the walks down the lane, and the pop in visits to use our phone.
I find myself asking people if they came over to visit or eat my food, and then I find myself blushing red hot with anger that your words slip so easily from my lips.
I forgive you every morning. I wish it would stick already.
1 comment:
enough. it's over, no one is coming back from the dead and telling you the truth of what actually happend. Because we will never know what actually happened, what was told to the childlike naitive of our heads. you can't change it what happened. What you CAN change is that when you tease with "did you come to my house to play with the kitty toys or see me" say it with your truth and not with what was decieved of us. THAT's how you change it.
go FORWARD.
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