The truth is something that I've been avoiding. Thinking that if I just keep dodging to the left and hiding behind activity and fantastical imagination that it would all just go away.
But it's not.
I've tried to tell you. I've tried to tell other people. But they don't understand, and the more I try to explain it I sound like a silly girl that can't get a grip on the reality of the situation.
I get the truth. It's very clear to me. But the truth, the truth that I can't type out here, the truth doesn't really matter does it?
There are very few exceptions when I think that the truth doesn't matter. But in this, the truth seems to be elusive. There are two truths and one of them is the truth of my God, the other, the other is the truth of what I want. Without question, what I want will not end well....so I'm learning to not want it.
Which quite frankly stinks.
But if I were to step back, and take a breath, and stop the yammering about that is happening in my head, I would see that what it is I really want, what the true and deep desire of my heart is the truth of my God.
This truth that I wanted, that I've been fostering and nurturing inside....I'm starting to see the cracks it's creating in my heart and I'm just so done pursuing that truth.
Which quite frankly, is like a breath of fresh air.
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