Sometimes it feels like all of my words have dried up
As if over time they slowly evaporated leaving nothing but that scummy film behind
There are still good things, great things
There are still friends, laughter, sorrow and contentment
But I've lost my words
More and more through this season (gosh, I've come to hate the term season) I'm finding that my words have been removed
I didn't misplace them, I didn't leave them at a restaurant or some one's house. I find that my words have been almost surgically removed
The funny thing about God sometimes is that when he asks you to do something he really means it. He means to have you rest when he asks you to rest. He means to have you be quiet when he asks you to be quiet. He means you to be still when he asks you to be still.
I find myself sitting alone with God and opening my mouth to pray. But all the words are gone. People ask me how I am, how I'm doing, what's new, what my plans are and I open my mouth like a fish out of water. My mouth just opens and shuts and nothing comes out.
I find myself shut down. Not in the "I'm taking my ball and going home" sort of way but in the action, task oriented sort of way.
I don't know when it will end or what it will be like. But I'm almost starting to believe that I can be loved just because I breathe; that I can be liked even when I'm disagreeable and that even when I do nothing I still have value because I am a daughter of the King.
If losing my words for awhile results in finally truly believing that my value is in Christ alone; I'm ok with that.