I'm heading into a kitchen remodel and while Pete is talented and gracious enough to do everything he refuses to do the drywall. I can't really blame him, dry wall, finishing it specifically, is the worst.
But that means I have to hire a dry wall contractor.
Needless to say I'm having quite a bit of anxiety about it.
I'm just not comfortable having random men wander in and out of my home without me there. I can't take the time off and yes Pete will be there but it all just leaves me feeling unsafe.
So I try to remain calm and explain as directly as possible my concerns to these contractors and they all act like I'm nuts. Then I try to explain it to some people at work and they also think I'm nuts. Then worse still both groups of people proceed to tell me the most terrifying stories of contractors that go through your things and hide in closets waiting for people to come home.
WHO DOES THAT HELP?
Not this girl.
All of this is just overwhelming and if it weren't for Pete and Dad reminding me what a waste it would be to put so much money into the kitchen without redoing the walls with the sagging seams I would just say screw it and decide to live with my kitchen as is for the rest of my life in this house.
The annoying thing is, that at one point today I actually stopped and wondered if maybe I was crazy. Like actually bat shit crazy insane. Because no one else seemed to be the slightest bit sympathetic about what I was concerned about.
I had to keep talking myself off the ledge and reminding myself that I have every right to advocate for my safety and not be belittled for it.
Now, if only we can convince others that.
Showing posts with label OCD Much?. Show all posts
Showing posts with label OCD Much?. Show all posts
7.14.2011
3.10.2011
Worry Wart
I am excited to say I'm at a leadership conference today. It was a last minute invite and I got the email at like 10pm on Monday.
I needed to make sure I could get the days off of work so I knew that first thing the next day I needed to talk to my boss.
I then proceeded to lay away for 3 hours.
I was so excited, like couldn't sleep excited. I felt included and as silly as it sounds I was excited.
As soon as my brain realized I was excited I started talking myself out of it.
I probably couldn't get the days off of work
If I did my boss would probably hold a grudge against me (even though she's not that kind of boss)
I haven't been feeling well, what if I accept and I get to sick to go, then I'll have disappointed people
As if that wasn't enough my OCD about social situations started clicking way at full force. Where will I sleep, what if I have to go to the bathroom (a lot of my anxiety is bathroom related, which is just weird to me) on the road trip and no one wants to stop. What will I talk about etc etc etc.
I tried to get my mind to stop, I tried to think of scriptures to calm myself down but I was going full force and it was very hard to stop.
Between that and not being able to breathe well I was a hot mess.
But, it was all fine. My boss ok'd the leave and acted like it was no big deal. I'm sure the ride was fine (I'm writing this before I leave) because it always is, these guys are fun and friendly and kind.
It's all fine, I just decided to preemptively lose 3 hours of sleep over nothing. You know, business as usual in Bethany's brain.
I needed to make sure I could get the days off of work so I knew that first thing the next day I needed to talk to my boss.
I then proceeded to lay away for 3 hours.
I was so excited, like couldn't sleep excited. I felt included and as silly as it sounds I was excited.
As soon as my brain realized I was excited I started talking myself out of it.
I probably couldn't get the days off of work
If I did my boss would probably hold a grudge against me (even though she's not that kind of boss)
I haven't been feeling well, what if I accept and I get to sick to go, then I'll have disappointed people
As if that wasn't enough my OCD about social situations started clicking way at full force. Where will I sleep, what if I have to go to the bathroom (a lot of my anxiety is bathroom related, which is just weird to me) on the road trip and no one wants to stop. What will I talk about etc etc etc.
I tried to get my mind to stop, I tried to think of scriptures to calm myself down but I was going full force and it was very hard to stop.
Between that and not being able to breathe well I was a hot mess.
But, it was all fine. My boss ok'd the leave and acted like it was no big deal. I'm sure the ride was fine (I'm writing this before I leave) because it always is, these guys are fun and friendly and kind.
It's all fine, I just decided to preemptively lose 3 hours of sleep over nothing. You know, business as usual in Bethany's brain.
3.04.2011
The Root of All Evil
I decided at the beginning of the year to start balancing my bank account.
See, I can't be trusted with mainstream credit cards (the kind not attached to a cash funded account). I've had them before and quickly spiraled out of control. After 2 years of hard work I paid off the not small balance and kept the card but literally froze it in my sisters freezer.
Then things got tight, full time college student part time worker and expensive gas. Pretty soon, that little red card and I got to be tight again. Too tight.
A windfall occurred after much wailing and gnashing of teeth and I was able to pay off everything. My credit card, my car, some small personal loans and I was free and clear except my growing student loans.
I stayed that way until I bought my house a few years back, but even now the only debt I have is student loans and my mortgage.
This means if I want something it has to be cash. Which is good and really freakin annoying at the same time. But I've been playing it close to the wire and spending all I have all the time. I hear that with a house that isn't really a great idea because you know...things happen to houses. (my current prayer is for storm damage to my roof so insurance will replace it instead of me saving a daunting amount of money for a new roof in 3 years)
But I always feel like my money just flies out of my hands, there's just so much fun stuff to spend money on and so I spend it.
The first (huge) step for me was cutting out satellite. I just didn't watch enough TV anymore and as long as Pete was on board that would save $85/month. Every other recurring monthly bill is mostly a "need". I mean, I could go to a prepaid basic phone but I am on the go a lot and feel I can justify the smart phone bill I have, especially now that Pete and I are on a shared plan. But other than that my recurring bills are, student loans, electric, water, and basic gas, food expenses.
Now I'm working to track how much I spend on what to see what I'm wasting my money on and y'all....I'm mortified to say it's food.
Not even good food. Convenient food, bad food choices etc.
I considered giving up not giving things up for lent to give up eating outside of homes for lent (that sentence was intentionally confusing)
But in the next few weeks I have several dinner/lunch meetings and a mini family vacation that will involve eating out a lot. I mean, I could probably still do it, but well....it would be super hard and I would cheat so I'm just going to not do it. (Because when things are hard I just don't do them....I mean I'm in THERAPY people, let's not pretend to be surprised at my crazy)
However, the point of this post is simple. I have gone from not balancing my check book at all to balancing it almost every day. I earn way to much money for a single/no dependent person to make budgeting this hard. So far, it's working in small amounts of money accumulating in my savings account and bills consistently being paid on time for the first time in way to long. Hopefully I don't get bored/distracted/depressed/discouraged and quit, because it's nice to know what I have to spend and what I don't for a change.
See, I can't be trusted with mainstream credit cards (the kind not attached to a cash funded account). I've had them before and quickly spiraled out of control. After 2 years of hard work I paid off the not small balance and kept the card but literally froze it in my sisters freezer.
Then things got tight, full time college student part time worker and expensive gas. Pretty soon, that little red card and I got to be tight again. Too tight.
A windfall occurred after much wailing and gnashing of teeth and I was able to pay off everything. My credit card, my car, some small personal loans and I was free and clear except my growing student loans.
I stayed that way until I bought my house a few years back, but even now the only debt I have is student loans and my mortgage.
This means if I want something it has to be cash. Which is good and really freakin annoying at the same time. But I've been playing it close to the wire and spending all I have all the time. I hear that with a house that isn't really a great idea because you know...things happen to houses. (my current prayer is for storm damage to my roof so insurance will replace it instead of me saving a daunting amount of money for a new roof in 3 years)
But I always feel like my money just flies out of my hands, there's just so much fun stuff to spend money on and so I spend it.
The first (huge) step for me was cutting out satellite. I just didn't watch enough TV anymore and as long as Pete was on board that would save $85/month. Every other recurring monthly bill is mostly a "need". I mean, I could go to a prepaid basic phone but I am on the go a lot and feel I can justify the smart phone bill I have, especially now that Pete and I are on a shared plan. But other than that my recurring bills are, student loans, electric, water, and basic gas, food expenses.
Now I'm working to track how much I spend on what to see what I'm wasting my money on and y'all....I'm mortified to say it's food.
Not even good food. Convenient food, bad food choices etc.
I considered giving up not giving things up for lent to give up eating outside of homes for lent (that sentence was intentionally confusing)
But in the next few weeks I have several dinner/lunch meetings and a mini family vacation that will involve eating out a lot. I mean, I could probably still do it, but well....it would be super hard and I would cheat so I'm just going to not do it. (Because when things are hard I just don't do them....I mean I'm in THERAPY people, let's not pretend to be surprised at my crazy)
However, the point of this post is simple. I have gone from not balancing my check book at all to balancing it almost every day. I earn way to much money for a single/no dependent person to make budgeting this hard. So far, it's working in small amounts of money accumulating in my savings account and bills consistently being paid on time for the first time in way to long. Hopefully I don't get bored/distracted/depressed/discouraged and quit, because it's nice to know what I have to spend and what I don't for a change.
7.29.2010
Tooth Brushes (Teeth Brushes?)
I was driving back from lunch today and a commercial for Reach Tooth Brushes came on the radio.
They ended with some disclaimers. Which brought up some questions for me and also A LOT of my toothbrush weirdo habits.
They said, be sure to rinse your tooth brush thoroughly after brushing to ensure all the toothpaste has washed out.
Question: WHO DOESN'T DO THIS?!!?
They said to store your tooth brush in the upright position so it will dry out completely.
Question: Dooooo toothbrushes not dry when place in other positions?
They strongly suggested replacing your toothbrush every 3 months.
Question: How long do some people use their toothbrushes normally?
I was so creeped out by the first statement that I began to mentally review my toothbrush hygiene regimes.
My toothbrush has to be in an enclosed cabinet but not touching aforementioned cabinet. I usually balance it on the tube of toothpaste, always the same side of the toothbrush tube so the brush doesn't touch anything that touched anything besides my hands, which are washed before handling toothbrush and/or toothpaste.
Don't even THINK about flushing the toilet with the seat up while my toothbrush is out of the enclosed cabinet. I imagine little poop particles rocketing through the air and adhering themselves to my brush :shudder:
If my tooth brush bristles even hint at touching anything that isn't the tube of toothpaste, my teeth or my freshly washed hands it's getting pitched. Period.
I still gag at the memory of dropping my toothbrush on the bathroom floor at work. Just the thought that anyone would rinse it off and put it back in their mouth.... :shudder:
I do probably stick with the about 3 month switch theory though. Unless of course, the bristles touch something.
Having said all this, I think I'll go brush my teeth...it just feels like the right thing to do.
Do you have any weird toothbrush/toothpaste habits? Do you patently disagree with any of mine?
They ended with some disclaimers. Which brought up some questions for me and also A LOT of my toothbrush weirdo habits.
They said, be sure to rinse your tooth brush thoroughly after brushing to ensure all the toothpaste has washed out.
Question: WHO DOESN'T DO THIS?!!?
They said to store your tooth brush in the upright position so it will dry out completely.
Question: Dooooo toothbrushes not dry when place in other positions?
They strongly suggested replacing your toothbrush every 3 months.
Question: How long do some people use their toothbrushes normally?
I was so creeped out by the first statement that I began to mentally review my toothbrush hygiene regimes.
My toothbrush has to be in an enclosed cabinet but not touching aforementioned cabinet. I usually balance it on the tube of toothpaste, always the same side of the toothbrush tube so the brush doesn't touch anything that touched anything besides my hands, which are washed before handling toothbrush and/or toothpaste.
Don't even THINK about flushing the toilet with the seat up while my toothbrush is out of the enclosed cabinet. I imagine little poop particles rocketing through the air and adhering themselves to my brush :shudder:
If my tooth brush bristles even hint at touching anything that isn't the tube of toothpaste, my teeth or my freshly washed hands it's getting pitched. Period.
I still gag at the memory of dropping my toothbrush on the bathroom floor at work. Just the thought that anyone would rinse it off and put it back in their mouth.... :shudder:
I do probably stick with the about 3 month switch theory though. Unless of course, the bristles touch something.
Having said all this, I think I'll go brush my teeth...it just feels like the right thing to do.
Do you have any weird toothbrush/toothpaste habits? Do you patently disagree with any of mine?
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