Spouses

I literally know one other single person in Cincinnati that I hang out with on any regular basis. I know other single people, but it takes some coordination to hang out with them.
So, as a result the remaining people that I hang out with on any regular basis in Cincinnati are married.

Sometimes I become friends with the couple at the same time.
Sometimes I connect with the wife and the husband comes along for the friendship ride.
Sometimes I connect with the husband first. Either because I met him first or in most cases because he wasn't married at the time I met him.

When that last case happens I seek out the wife and work hard to friend her too. Because the most loving thing I can do for my male married friends is be transparent with their wives so they (the wives) know that I am no threat at all. That I want their marriage to be successful and for it to last a lifetime.

I set conversational boundaries and time boundaries so any friendship I have with a married man is above reproach. Not because I have feelings for them. Not because I am some scheming hussy of a home wrecker. But because again, the kindest and most loving expression of friendship I can give to my married men friends is to honor their wives.

With my married women friends, well it's a little different. I try to encourage them in their marriages. I try to build up their husbands when/if we talk about them. I try to encourage them towards reconciliation when/if they call me upset about an argument and I work really hard to set appropriate conversational boundaries so I don't get drawn into marital strife that riles me up on their behalf, and then I'm never included in the resolution of that strife.

I vacillate between a content and totally prepared to be this way for the rest of my life single girl and a girl with so much relational baggage I can't imagine ever having another new friend let alone a romantic relationship. So sometimes it's really hard for me to be privy to marital strife. Because it makes me feel very lonely and very brittle. The only way I can combat that sometimes is to cheer on my married friends in their relationships, hoping that their success and their making it through will reassure me that sometimes, it's worth it to fight.

Married Friends (and Family)

So I thought it would be fun to talk about some of my single girl confessions. After a day filled with some super awkward moments and super grown up conversations about marriage, relationships and mutual submission/men leading the family I thought it would be interesting to throw it all in a pot and see what happens.

So my first confession is that I love my married friends (and family...I'm lumping them all in there) and I love to pray for them.
Even though I'm still up in the air about wanting to even date let alone ever get married and have babies I love the married people around me.
I mean, honestly...until Pete moved in there wasn't one single person (as in not in a serious dating/marriage relationship) living in or near Cincinnati that I hung out with on even a semi regular basis.

I love getting to watch their relationships. I'm not sure if you're aware of this as married people but you are a fascinating case study in how to fight/make out without really fighting or making out.
I rarely feel like the 3rd wheel but every once in awhile I seem to stumble awkwardly into a super intimate moment. Not all bowchickawowow intimate but those looks and moments that you marrieds seems to have sometime.
That is the awkwardsauce.

But I digress.
I love and hate seeing the interactions in your relationships. Because I'm making notes. I love it because I'm constantly learning what marriage can look like and thinking about things I would like to be present in my (possible, maybe someday I haven't quite decided and am breaking out in hives just thinking about it) marriage and the things that I absolutely don't want (and how to possibly avoid them).

Lately, I have really loved praying for you guys. All of you. I love chatting with God about how much I appreciate being allowed inside your family (especially if you know...I'm not ACTUALLY part of your family). I love praying for protection for your marriage and for the strength of it to increase and become founded in (or more deeply founded in) God.
I love praying for your kids if you have them, or for you to get knocked up if you don't but desperately want them.
I love playing with your kids and being a goofy silly Aunt/random friend of mommy and daddy's that sometimes accidentally instructs your kids to kick people in the shins when they're being teased (sorry about that...I didn't think they'd ACTUALLY do it...)
I especially love giving them back, your kids are like time share kids for me and for this moment in time I wouldn't really have it any other way.

I love seeing how my married friends do conflict. Sometimes it's really really well. Sometimes....it's really really bad. Most of the time I have to remind myself to keep my mouth shut and stay out of it (and sometimes I have to remind you to keep me out of it). But whichever way I see conflict and I see it being worked through and I'm gleaning wisdom from your marriages that I use now in leading and non-married relationships and I might be able to(someday, maybe soon, maybe never but I'm feeling a little queasy just thinking about it) use in my marriage.

So that's my first confession of a single girl. How much I admire my married peeps and just how much I pay attention to their relationships. Next up...probably something about eating a box of cookies and drinking straight out of the gallon of milk...or something less ridiculous.